**Thread** Diversifying Portrayals of Trauma in Fanfic and other media (CW for PTSD, including references to my own)

I remember reading a Tweet recently about how someone wished there were more portrayals of trauma in fic than just nightmares.

I've also moots discuss responses to traumatised characters in canon, and how frustrated they are that anyone who doesn't fit the ideal victim narrative tends not to receive as much empathy from creators or fans as 'good' survivors.

I think that these issues are related--and important!--but for some reason I haven't actually seen a lot of material discussing what those other possibilities for portraying and responding to character trauma ARE. That's where I thought maybe I could chime in, in my small way.

Because trauma and PTSD are a) things that vary by person and circumstances, and b) things you just will not understand unless you have experienced it. And as someone who HAS experienced it, I wish there were more material out there reflecting my experiences.

For example (& a disclaimer), my personal bg is complex trauma built over many yrs thru repeated sexual assault & emotional/psychological abuse, mainly coercive control. A person who survived an accident or violent event might struggle w/very different effects than I do!

What I CAN say is that the 'nightmares & intense flashbacks' version of how we see trauma portrayed in fiction (incl fanfic) is a very narrow view of a very broad experience.

So w/o further ado, here are some additional, gentle suggestions for things to keep in mind when writing or reading about character trauma: (tagged with #traumainfic from here on out if you would like to mute)

-A character's response to traumatic events AS THEY ARE HAPPENING might be inconsistent with how you typically see them; they might even be inconsistent with how the character had previously seen themselves. #traumainfic

For example, a character who thinks of themselves (or you think of) as 'brave' might face an incident where they shut down instead of fighting, or where they 'give in' to the person hurting them rather than standing their ground. #traumainfic

This on its own can be devastating, because it leaves the character disappointed in themselves and upset because all of a sudden they have (seeming) proof that they're a lesser version of themselves than they thought they were. #traumainfic

To an outsider, it can look like OOC behaviour in the writing. And you know what? IT IS. That's the POINT. Traumatic events & how you survive them are not who you are, but they're still experiences of yourself that you have to reconcile. Sound hard? IT IS. #traumainfic

The 1st time I faced a major sexual assault, I felt I was letting myself down with my freeze & fawn responses. In later environments, my self-conceptualisation was so distorted that I thought I was 'just' being triggered when I was actually experiencing NEW abuse. #traumainfic

Which brings me to another point: traumatised characters are rarely fully self-aware wrt their trauma. It's not like we encounter a trigger & then go 'ah yes, this is related to That Dark Thing I Shall Not Mention; alexa, play 'Painful Memory 97803' #traumainfic

Traumatised ppl--traumatised characters--may not even know or want to label their experiences as trauma (On that note, I'm all for the Repression is Very Sexy of Me trope, but sometimes the lack of self-awareness is genuine ignorance rather than deliberate avoidance) #traumainfic

Another thing I think is SUPER important to understand is that responses & triggers don't always correspond directly to the traumatic events. For ex, I didn't learn until recently that persistent nightmares about topics OTHER than your trauma can be a sign of C-PTSD. #traumainfic

As a personal example, I've noticed a huge uptick in my startle response over the past years, w/hyperventilation and crying when someone comes up close behind me, even though my traumatic experiences have never been at the hands of strangers. #traumainfic

So if you're writing a character getting triggered, you don't have to ACME-anvil us with it by making the content of a nightmare or flashback The Specific Traumatic Thing. We'll get the connection, I promise. #traumainfic

Another thing to note is that being triggered is not always a) a conscious response, or b) a sharp, acute reaction. People may not even know WHAT triggered them, but have a general sense of anxiety, depression, or numbness. #traumainfic

Speaking of which, I wanna address numbness and dissociation. For a LONG time I didn't realise it was happening to me bc I had a very narrow definition of it as 'switching off entirely,' and I think a lot of people share that limited view. #traumainfic

For me, for example, I'm still aware of what I'm doing--it's not a total blackout, but it feels like there's a sheet of glass between me and the rest of the world. At the end of this type of day I can possibly remember things, but I have to concentrate HARD to do so. #traumainfic

Speaking of memory--adrenaline is a helluva drug, & you might remember weird, stupid, irrelevant shit from the traumatic events. For example, I remember a TV screen that was set to one of those music stations w/the song title & artist against neon colours. #traumainfic

Similarly, memories--even ones that can be as deeply impressed as traumatic memories--aren't static. I've found that certain physical details get muddied as time passes, but I still remember the emotional impressions clearly. #traumainfic

Maybe this is obvious, but the memory blurring or forgetting can also be upsetting bc if (as mentioned above) someone already sees their trauma response as being OOC, they might ALSO come to think that they blew the threat out of proportion &/or blame themselves more #traumainfic

And finally, I wanna talk about the fact that healing isn't linear (aka why even your One Beautiful, Lovingly Rendered, Cathartic Conversation in a hurt/comfort fic won't fix everything for a traumatised character--& why we shouldn't realistically expect it to) #traumainfic

Yes, there can absolutely be some breakthrough 'aha' moments in the healing process, where something clicks and the weight lessens. But those breakthroughs aren't things that magically make the bad memories or feelings never happen again. #traumainfic

Seriously. If you take just ONE new thing away from this entire thread, it's this point, bc it's one I fought HARD to learn but is so rarely represented in fiction and fanfic. Ppl's experiences don't always (ever?) go Trauma-->Healing-->Noble Healed Survivor #traumainfic

The 'aha' moments & catharses you get in fic (or therapy)? Those are just starting points. They don't keep trauma at bay; rather, they're what survivors call up when they're desperately clawing their way out of the trauma hole that they can fall into at any time. #traumainfic

I don't say this to be negative, & I'm not a mental health professional. But I genuinely do not know of any trauma survivors who have just...set aside their trauma so it never affects them again. #traumainfic

Maybe they do exist and I just don't know of them, but please, I am begging you--even if these people do exist, do not fall into the trap of thinking that 'healing and moving on' = 'never being bothered by old trauma again'. #traumainfic

Trauma is a battle you fight the rest of your life, but you don't know which days the battle is scheduled for. If you can understand that, it will make you an infinitely better writer--and reader--of characters facing traumatic experiences. #traumainfic

This ends my bigass rant (which definitely became messier than I'd anticipated), but I hope it's useful to someone! And please, for anyone who has alternate perspectives to add, feel free to continue this thread. Thanks for reading #traumainfic