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Okay, I’ve decided that I want to share my own experiences with a parent like this, in case there’s anyone thinking this isn’t too bad, and how this pattern of behavior impacts a kid and escalates.
CW for detailed descriptions of child abuse, self-injury https://twitter.com/johnroderick/status/1345508384011816960
CW for detailed descriptions of child abuse, self-injury https://twitter.com/johnroderick/status/1345508384011816960
CW abuse
My parents, my dad especially, were these kinds of parents. They expected me to learn things myself and do things without support, and would punish me through withholding things from me until I did them, just like this parent talks about. (1/x)
My parents, my dad especially, were these kinds of parents. They expected me to learn things myself and do things without support, and would punish me through withholding things from me until I did them, just like this parent talks about. (1/x)
CW abuse
I’m autistic. I struggled to complete tasks that others have no problem with. I could not complete the tasks they told me to do without support. Even at the age of 7 or 8 I remember sitting at the table for hours, sobbing over homework, with no response from them.(2/x)
I’m autistic. I struggled to complete tasks that others have no problem with. I could not complete the tasks they told me to do without support. Even at the age of 7 or 8 I remember sitting at the table for hours, sobbing over homework, with no response from them.(2/x)
CW abuse
I learned very quickly that my distress didn’t matter to them. I learned that they could withhold anything they wanted from me for reasons outside of my control. I wasn’t able to complete the task, so I thought that maybe I could make my distress more obvious. (3/x)
I learned very quickly that my distress didn’t matter to them. I learned that they could withhold anything they wanted from me for reasons outside of my control. I wasn’t able to complete the task, so I thought that maybe I could make my distress more obvious. (3/x)
CW abuse , self harm
My meltdowns became self-injurious, I’d bang my head on the wall or hit myself, but it had no effect on them. All they did was label me manipulative for it, and continue to withhold things like snacks, a break from working, free time. (4/x)
My meltdowns became self-injurious, I’d bang my head on the wall or hit myself, but it had no effect on them. All they did was label me manipulative for it, and continue to withhold things like snacks, a break from working, free time. (4/x)
CW: abuse , restraint
As I got older I started just defying them more. They told me that I couldn’t do x until I finished y? I’d do x anyway. And get punished for it. Their threats ramped up until they started threatening to call the cops on me or physically restraining me.(5/x
As I got older I started just defying them more. They told me that I couldn’t do x until I finished y? I’d do x anyway. And get punished for it. Their threats ramped up until they started threatening to call the cops on me or physically restraining me.(5/x
CW: abuse
I never actually learned how to do any of these tasks myself. I didn’t learn how to write until I got to college, I didn’t learn how to do laundry, or tidy a room, or anything. And anything that feels too much like a demand makes me melt down. (6/x)
I never actually learned how to do any of these tasks myself. I didn’t learn how to write until I got to college, I didn’t learn how to do laundry, or tidy a room, or anything. And anything that feels too much like a demand makes me melt down. (6/x)
CW: abuse
Just like this parent talks so much about his daughter’s deficits, in spatial skills and so on, my parents did too, constantly, to anyone around. And they used that list of deficits to try to keep me from leaving home, to claim I couldn’t handle it. (7/x)
Just like this parent talks so much about his daughter’s deficits, in spatial skills and so on, my parents did too, constantly, to anyone around. And they used that list of deficits to try to keep me from leaving home, to claim I couldn’t handle it. (7/x)
CW: abuse
And yeah, I’m not able to live independently as it is. I don’t know how to handle basic household tasks, and I melt down and panic over them. But I’d imagine that if I had spent all those years being taught how to do them instead, I might need less support today.(8/x)
And yeah, I’m not able to live independently as it is. I don’t know how to handle basic household tasks, and I melt down and panic over them. But I’d imagine that if I had spent all those years being taught how to do them instead, I might need less support today.(8/x)
CW: abuse
This kind of parenting is traumatic. You’re not teaching your kid life skills, you’re teaching them that they can’t trust you, that their distress doesn’t matter to you, that they have no power and you can withhold things from them for no reason. (9/9)
This kind of parenting is traumatic. You’re not teaching your kid life skills, you’re teaching them that they can’t trust you, that their distress doesn’t matter to you, that they have no power and you can withhold things from them for no reason. (9/9)
I’m working to cut ties with my family right now and I’m struggling to afford some things I need. If anyone is willing, here’s a link to my wishlist, I would be grateful for any help. https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/15AUEMGIFJKMK?ref_=wl_share
CW: abuse
One final note: to those of you pointing out that what this parent shared wasn’t nearly as “extreme” as what I went through, note that this parent shared this story as an example of a positive parenting moment. How much does he not share?
One final note: to those of you pointing out that what this parent shared wasn’t nearly as “extreme” as what I went through, note that this parent shared this story as an example of a positive parenting moment. How much does he not share?
CW: abuse
Nobody can claim to know the details beyond what’s been shared here, but his language and behavior raise serious red flags, and suggest a pattern which, if it continues to escalate, can be devastating. It may already be that way.
Nobody can claim to know the details beyond what’s been shared here, but his language and behavior raise serious red flags, and suggest a pattern which, if it continues to escalate, can be devastating. It may already be that way.
