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The presence of women and people of color in far right movements is really confusing for a lot of people but it has never been confusing for me
It is 2008 and I'm at WLC, which is a training thing you have to do in the Army to get promoted to Sergeant, at Fort Bragg, NC
It is 2008 and I'm at WLC, which is a training thing you have to do in the Army to get promoted to Sergeant, at Fort Bragg, NC
The thing about being a woman in the 82nd Airborne in 2008 is that we exist openly only in the support battalions. Most of the division is infantry so the moment you got into division-level training it's wall-to-wall testosterone
I am one of two women in a class of 150ish
I am one of two women in a class of 150ish
So I walk into my assigned classroom on Day 3 after lunch and the other woman is off somewhere, I dunno, it's like 30 dudes and me, and they're sitting around telling jokes about women
CW: MISOGYNY
CW: MISOGYNY
You've heard the jokes. "What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing! You've already told her twice!" That kind of shit
Even back then you weren't supposed to do this. No one ever reported because they'd be ostracized for life, but in theory you could get in trouble
Even back then you weren't supposed to do this. No one ever reported because they'd be ostracized for life, but in theory you could get in trouble
"Hey, I have one," I say from the doorway
The room goes deathly silent. I am fixed with 30 pairs of eyes, just waiting for me to kill the vibe with some feminist bullshit
"What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the domestic violence shelter?"
"......what?"
The room goes deathly silent. I am fixed with 30 pairs of eyes, just waiting for me to kill the vibe with some feminist bullshit
"What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the domestic violence shelter?"
"......what?"
"The fucking dishes, if she knows what's good for her!!"
I've told a lot of way better jokes in my time on this planet but never, NEVER, have I gotten a bigger laugh than I did that day, and I probably never will
It felt amazing
I've told a lot of way better jokes in my time on this planet but never, NEVER, have I gotten a bigger laugh than I did that day, and I probably never will
It felt amazing
I'd proved, with my deeply fucked-up joke, that I was one of the dudes. I could hang, I could be in the boys' club and get my stripes and gain power and have status beyond "fuckable"
I degraded my own gender to do it but so fucking what, that was their problem, I was up here now
I degraded my own gender to do it but so fucking what, that was their problem, I was up here now
(it was definitely not just their problem because every time I denigrated women I denigrated myself, further internalizing deep self-hatred and reinforcing the kind of toxic masculinity that leaves one unable to regulate one's emotions healthfully or enjoy one's own body)
Male acceptance is tenuous. You have to prove yourself over and over. And I did, for five years, with good success
But it never fully takes. You never truly transcend wretched femininity. Becoming an honorary man while female is a seductive fantasy, but not an achievable one
But it never fully takes. You never truly transcend wretched femininity. Becoming an honorary man while female is a seductive fantasy, but not an achievable one
It is also deeply morally uncool to further denigrate the marginalized group of people you belong to in an attempt to transcend your own oppression, obviously
The fact that it doesn't work just makes it sad
The fact that it doesn't work just makes it sad
So yeah, I think I get why people not white and male sign onto the far right movement. It looks like a shortcut, a way to get privilege without race/gender/class consciousness, and it can feel amazing
It's not gonna work for them either, of course https://www.thedailybeast.com/proud-boys-are-at-war-with-their-proud-girls-female-extremist-wing
It's not gonna work for them either, of course https://www.thedailybeast.com/proud-boys-are-at-war-with-their-proud-girls-female-extremist-wing
(I don't have an epilogue to this story so here's the tweet I'll link to when my misogynist joke gets screencapped totally out of context in a Twitter argument in a few months)
People are correctly pointing out that this is a survival mechanism. Absolutely yes and I'm pro-survival: if your employment depends on this kind of thing feed your goddamn family
But let's not underplay how good it feels to gain entrance into the foyer of the white boy club
But let's not underplay how good it feels to gain entrance into the foyer of the white boy club
The not-white not-male not-straight people who stand with virulent white supremacists, misogynists, and homophobes don't it to survive but because it feels amazing: legitimately wonderful
The dream of acceptance is especially powerful for those who have never been accepted
The dream of acceptance is especially powerful for those who have never been accepted
