Dear Widower/Divorcee,

This is not a regular conversation you will hear/read as society makes it seem unnecessary. I just thought I should pen these few lines hoping that you will pick a lesson, or two.

They tell you you're a man and you're expected to "man up" easily.

You don't have to worry about any waiting period ('iddah) and you're free to move on.

But you're human, with emotional needs and demands.

You have lost a woman you used to love so dearly.

You have passed through a painful heartbreak or a great loss. You appear strong and resilient but deep in your mind, you know that you are hurting and crying inside.

See, you also need to give yourself some time to grieve, reflect, and heal.

It may take some time to bounce back from the trauma.

Be patient as you ask Allaah to lead you in the right direction. Be careful with the type of company you keep and the kind of voices you listen to.

Pay attention to your mental health and seek professional support if necessary. There is no shame in that!

Don't transfer the hurt from that painful divorce into another marriage.

Don't pass on the grief from your deceased wife to another woman.

Don't punish the innocent lady for the misdeeds of your ex-wife.

Don't blame her for failing to meet the standards of your late wife.

Give yourself another chance to love differently.

If you have children, prepare them for their incoming stepmother. Don't allow them to treat her like an imposter.

Prepare the woman for the journey as well.

Create a healthy boundary between your immediate family and the extended relatives.

Maintain a balance between loyalty to the children and attention to the new wife.

As the king of the home, don't allow one party to lord over the other.

That your previous marriage failed, does not necessarily mean that you are a bad person.

And if you were the bad guy, there is always another chance to change, to be a better husband and father.

May Allah ease your pain.