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10 YEARS SOBER.
10 years ago yesterday my best friend gave me a ride to rehab. I was scared. I think I cried. I couldn’t imagine a life without existential pain and the intoxicants I used to deal with it. I didn’t think there was a way out.
If you’re feeling hopeless or stuck, there is a way out. Your way and my way might differ, but it is possible. If I can be of any help, hit me up. My DMs are open. I have no advice to give. But I can tell you about my experience.
If you have experience with addiction and you’re sober today, much respect. You’re a muthafuckin miracle. For real.
If you don’t have experience with addiction, count yourself lucky and try to have compassion for those who do. It’s hard to explain to non-addicts what it’s like to drink or use when you don’t want to. And today I don’t want to try and explain it to you.
(And please don’t try to relate with your stories of making bad decisions. That ain’t it...
Telling an addict about your bad decisions is like telling someone with clinical depression that you know what it’s like to be sad. It’s like telling a fish you know what it’s like to take a shower. Yeah, you’ve been wet, but you didn’t swim in it, breathe in it, be OF IT.)
If you’re struggling with sobriety, here’s the other thing I gotta say: It gets better. Life is still life and shit happens, but my experience of it is totally different.
I thought my life as a sober person would be characterized by what I couldn’t do. I thought the goal of sobriety was to NOT do what I wanted to do and make the best of it. I didn’t know that what I wanted to do could change, that I could still be me but better.
A sober guy once told me, “The most punk rock thing I ever did was to quit using drugs and alcohol and say ‘fuck you’ to a world that didn’t want me to feel.” I’m not punk rock; I like hip-hop. But the song remains the same.
In my experience, if you’re an addict, you can’t just decide to stop drinking or using. But you can decide to get help. My DMs are open or you can call 800-662-HELP (4357). https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
So I got 10 years. It’s a big deal. And it’s no big deal. The sun’s gonna rise, the sun’s gonna set. And right now I’m gonna go meet up with my friend who drove me to rehab and we’re gonna have some socially-distanced chillin-outdoors coffee. 
