Thread by @fireflysys, Attention seeking: What is it actually?A thread by Wilbur and Gavin of [...]

Attention seeking: What is it actually?

A thread by Wilbur and Gavin of the Firefly System

Please read in its entirety before you comment c:

Often times, on the internet, you'll see accusations of people doing things for attention. It's painted out to be a bad thing, something worthy of callout and reprimand.

We think this mentality is severely flawed and inherently ableist.

Wanting attention is rarely a standalone thing- It usually has another need or feeling behind it. It's quite like an iceberg. Feelings of inadequacy, a history of abuse / neglect, an undiagnosed mental disorder. Things like that.

Take my system as an example. In 6th grade, we knowingly and intentionally faked having depression for attention.

Five years after that, we're professionally diagnosed with:
DID
CPTSD
Bipolar II
GAD

It turned out that we were never faking having a mental disorder, even if we actively thought we were. Us putting our symptoms on display was a subconscious cry for help. We had a plethora of undiagnosed disorders and were, at the time, in a highly abusive situation.

There was so much going on behind the scenes that we either weren't ready to talk about or weren't even aware was bad yet. It all manifested as wanting positive attention to feel like we were worthwhile.

And here's something we think a lot of people gloss over- People who seek out attention can be seeking out negative attention too, and they shouldn't be ignored.

People who seek out negative attention are re-enacting their abuse or feel like they deserve it.

A lot of attention-seeking methods are unhealthy and should be addressed, but it isn't wanting attention in itself that's the problem. It's, again, the methods.

We would be a lot better off it were normalized to say "I'm feeling bad and could use some extra attention right now".

It's okay to want attention. It's okay to want validation. You aren't any lesser for it, it doesn't make you a faker. All demonizing wanting attention does is victim-blame abuse victims and mentally ill folks for trying to find some alleviation from their suffering.

My system loves attention. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that. Being able to admit this to ourselves and be HAPPY with it has immensely helped in phasing out the unhealthy methods we used to use to get attention and seek out the underlying cause to address it.

We're extremely happy to talk about what we go through because it's a win-win situation- We get the spotlight for a bit to talk about ourselves, and usually, the information relayed is to the benefit of the other party. We love hearing about other people's experiences too-

-for the same reason. Everyone deserves their time under the spotlight, and they shouldn't be shamed for enjoying it. If they're using unhealthy means to that end, they need to be taught, not SHAMED.

Dismissing things as attention-seeking when it's one of the most common signs of underlying abuse or mental illness is violently ableist.

All in all... Our attitude as a society around wanting attention needs to change.

If wanting and enjoying attention weren't stigmatized, people wouldn't resort to covert methods to get it and would be able to address the need from its source instead of being told that the symptom is bad and makes them lesser of a person.

They'd be able to say "hmm, I want attention right now, what might be causing it?" and reach out for help on the cause directly.

They'd be able to say "You know what? I want to talk about myself, so I'll work out a healthy way to do it instead of making a scene".

And we'd be that much closer to making a society that's safe for abuse victims and mentally ill folks.

//end thread

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