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1: Agree. Low hanging fruit, YES, a vicious cycle, yes, but IMO & to the extent that “Arewa men” = “northern muslim men”, I’d say the root cause is the ubiquity of “suboptimal or even absentee” participation of fathers in the upbringing of their kids through adulthood. https://twitter.com/Abdulrahmanleme/status/1345476978837757952
2: A mother could do what you say but a boy who has never seen his father emulate SAW by participating in basic household chores (at least cleaning after oneself), is forever in danger of “reverting” to act like his father when he grows up
IMO, there wont be great progress in..
IMO, there wont be great progress in..
3: ..”unlearning” the (destructive variant of) patriachy we complain about in the ummah, without fixing the moral compass/upbringing of young men via fathers who exemplify the sunnah and participate directly in upbringing.
As reflected in your tweet, we are suffering from..
As reflected in your tweet, we are suffering from..
4:.. a deeply rooted cultural mindset that sharply binarizes parental responsibilities: father provides, mother raises kids. Whereas we harp on the role of mothers in upbringing, we forget that not a single ayat or hadith teaches upbringing as a mother’s exclusive purview.
5: On the contrary, in its discourses on Ibrahim and his sons (AS), Yaqoob and his sons (AS), Dawud & Sulayman (AS) and ofcourse the upbringing moment captured in the story of Luqman & his son (AS), the Quran teaches the CRITICAL importance of father-to-young son moral tutelage.
6: The Quranic message is clear: direct/hands-on involvement of the father in upbringing is necessary for the establishment & propagation of a high quality ummah; one that will not be fertile ground for the kind of “patriachy” and abuses we see.
Moreover, the fact that Quran..
Moreover, the fact that Quran..
7: ..allows muslim men to marry (some) non-muslim women, and that most madhabs stipulate that in divorce cases, the young boy should be with his father (after a certain age), reflects the core expectation that fathers would/must play an active and direct role in..
8: ..in the upbringing of young offspring/men with solid islamic values.
But when you study Arewa society, you find the reverse mentality. We dont approach the upbringing of kids as the responsibility of both parents. We simply expect fathers to provide (yes, that’s a core..
But when you study Arewa society, you find the reverse mentality. We dont approach the upbringing of kids as the responsibility of both parents. We simply expect fathers to provide (yes, that’s a core..
9: ..responsibility of the father too, but it doesnt absolve other duties). In fact, many men in Arewa deflect upbringing responsibilities by claiming that they have no time - as if this would count as a sufficient excuse on the day SWT holds them accountable.
10: And there’s that incredulous question: “well, what is the mother/wife for?”
Because the culture condones that the father “is too busy” or “has no time” (even though he often has time to chase other women, marry & divorce & have more kids that he then wont spend time with)..
Because the culture condones that the father “is too busy” or “has no time” (even though he often has time to chase other women, marry & divorce & have more kids that he then wont spend time with)..
11: ..we often see 1 of 2 scenarios play out PARTICULARLY when the marriage ends in divorce. Either the boy stays with the mother losing his father’s upbringing/learning “manly” values from friends or he moves to his father’s house where he is neglected/abused by step-relatives
12: Matters take a turn for the worse when the boy reaches puberty. Considering that not a single woman has first hand knowledge of what a young man is going through during puberty, a mother’s single-handed ability to guide a young man with volatile hormones is limited.
13: For fathers that have been “absent” from upbringing of the young boy, adolescence is certainly not the best time to suddenly initiate that father-son relationship. And thus, we find ourselves in an Arewa where far too many young men..
14: ...navigate adulthood & gender relations/marriage based on the guidance of friends who have equally shaky upbringing, reinforced by that thing that nobody owns but all create called “culture”.
And so the cycle continues.
We need fathers who take upbringing duties seriously
And so the cycle continues.
We need fathers who take upbringing duties seriously
