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As the year begins, people are returning to work from tomorrow but some are returning to toxic working environments due to having narcissist bosses.
Often leaving the job is not an option (especially recently), so here's a thread on how to cope with a narcissistic boss.
Often leaving the job is not an option (especially recently), so here's a thread on how to cope with a narcissistic boss.
Narcissists are attracted to power and status, and they can be skilled at conveying confidence, exploiting opportunities, and moving up the professional ranks.
Therefore there's a chance that you might be under the leadership of a narcissist one day at work.
Therefore there's a chance that you might be under the leadership of a narcissist one day at work.
Dos
1. Do educate yourself about narcissism. The cardinal traits of Narcissism are lack of empathy, self esteem, emotional regulation and a need for entitlement and superiority.
2. Validate your boss!!! This is important because narcissists thrive on validation (boot licking). They love being admired and complimented. So point out strengths and successes with praise.
3. Adjust your expectations
Your boss won't return the favor of validating you, instead you might even get an insult. Expect 0 compliments or praises in return.
Your boss won't return the favor of validating you, instead you might even get an insult. Expect 0 compliments or praises in return.
4. Be reliable, professional and self-assured. Always apply your best efforts in everything you do and try to live up to the high stands expected of you. Don't show up late, dress inappropriately or produce bare minimum work.
5. Learn conflict management skills
Narcissists attention seeking and dramatic interaction styles always lead to conflict. Try your best to avoid and prevent possible conflict triggers and try your best to stay out of the firing line.
Narcissists attention seeking and dramatic interaction styles always lead to conflict. Try your best to avoid and prevent possible conflict triggers and try your best to stay out of the firing line.
6. Set boundaries
Although most of them will be violated, find a way to keep a record of the serious ones (eg. sexual misconduct) as a way to keep evidence in case it ends up in court.
Although most of them will be violated, find a way to keep a record of the serious ones (eg. sexual misconduct) as a way to keep evidence in case it ends up in court.
7. Devise a solid self-care routine. Working for a Narcissist is going to drain you cause of how much you will give for nothing in return. This can lead to burnout, so have a working self-care plan in which you can unwind all the accumulated stress.
8. Work to find an exit strategy. All the skills of managing working for a Narcissist are heavily exhausting on mental, emotional & physical health. Thus it's important to look for other opportunities elsewhere where your workplace in much more conducive to a healthy work life.
Don'ts
1. Don't expect fair play or reciprocity. Narcissists flout rules, violate ethics, steal ideas, conduct smear campaigns, disavow responsibility, and project and deny their own behavior without a second thought.
2. Don't expect loyalty.
Narcissists expect loyalty from others without earning or returning it. Your boss will throw you under the bus to save his/her own skin during times of trouble.
Narcissists expect loyalty from others without earning or returning it. Your boss will throw you under the bus to save his/her own skin during times of trouble.
3. Don't criticize. The number-one rule about narcissists is that they dish it out but can't take it. The narcissist is the first to fault and blame others while being the last to accept critical feedback or take responsibility.
Even a hint of criticism, such as questioning an idea they have, can trigger rage or a host of passive-aggressive punishments.
4. Don't show your vulnerability.
Narcissists view life as a war zone, with survival at stake and everyone out for themselves. If you share your feelings or lower your guard, your boss will file the information and use it against you one way or another.
Narcissists view life as a war zone, with survival at stake and everyone out for themselves. If you share your feelings or lower your guard, your boss will file the information and use it against you one way or another.
5. Don't take things personally. Things can feel very personal with narcissists. They inflate your flaws, leverage your vulnerability, play on your hopes, and compulsively project their own issues and emotions onto you.
But the bottom line is that it's all about them not you.
But the bottom line is that it's all about them not you.
6. Don't expect credit.
In narcissists' zero-sum-game mindset, giving credit to others represents a personal loss for them. Don't expect credit from your boss, and if someone else credits you, be prepared for your boss to take ownership of it.
In narcissists' zero-sum-game mindset, giving credit to others represents a personal loss for them. Don't expect credit from your boss, and if someone else credits you, be prepared for your boss to take ownership of it.
7. Don't try to justify, explain, or excuse yourself. Arguing a point or explaining why you're late or missed a deadline is futile and likely to elicit impatience or contempt. The narcissist does not care about your reasons and sees your defense as a weakness to be attacked.
8. Don't fawn.
Your boss wants your validation and may look to you for bolstering and praise, but be careful not to sound insincere. Narcissists are hypervigilant, and above all, can't abide looking foolish or out of control.
Your boss wants your validation and may look to you for bolstering and praise, but be careful not to sound insincere. Narcissists are hypervigilant, and above all, can't abide looking foolish or out of control.
9. Don't put your self-esteem on the line. We all need to feel a sense of purpose and competence in the work we do, but your worth as a human being should never be part of the equation. Don't let your boss make it feel that way.
10. Don't give up on yourself. With a narcissistic boss, you may come from a background with narcissistic parents or other traumatic circumstances.
Children from such families often replay the dynamics they grew up with in their personal and professional adult relationships until they gain enough awareness to break the pattern. If this resonates with you, seek more information and help. Healing begins with awareness.
