I doubt anyone who follows me needs to hear this, but: BDSM is not abuse. Abuse is abuse. Sometimes BDSM is done in an abusive way. Sometimes vanilla sexual activities are done in an abusive way. Abuse is not inherent to BDSM. Informed and ongoing consent is always key.

People who enjoy various BDSM-type activities (and some other kinks) are enjoying the *power exchange*. The ability to trust and be trusted. Feeling a sense of danger/risk while knowing in reality they're safe. Testing their limits where sensation is concerned.

People who (correctly, non-abusively) incorporate causing pain into their sexual repertoire do so because they know their partner enjoys it, not because they just like hurting people. And there is nothing inherently wrong with finding pleasure in some kinds of physical pain.

Think about all the non-kinky people who like "rough sex" sometimes. Maybe you're one of them. Think about how rough sex means there are mild amounts of physical pain mixed in, and of causing it, too. Think how it's an expression of passion.

Maybe you can't help digging your nails into your partner's back when something feels really good, or maybe they get a little rough with their teeth on your skin. Do you think those things are automatically self-harm or abusive?

And if you can see how those mildly painful things can be enjoyable, for both parties, and are not abusive, I hope you can see that well-informed people who choose to consensually take that farther are also not abusive.

(I am regretting my use of "farther" rather than "further" )