Over-explaining yourself really is a trauma response.

I really believe that those who grew up in an environment where they had to process other people’s emotions to be safe are the ones who constantly over explain.

A constant need to be made sure that you’re understood, even from people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

Over-explaining is people pleasing.

Because to the over-explainer, they’ll explain themselves more than necessary in hopes that those who disagree will agree. In hopes to avoid conflict. In hopes to be liked.

The pill that the over-explainer needs to swallow is simply understanding that: everyone will not like you, therefore everyone will not agree with you.

Even if you speak your point eloquently or straightforwardly, no one owes you understanding. And that’s okay.

But to the over-explainer, it’s not okay. To be misunderstood sends sirens that we are in a space that could possibly harm us, because that’s what happened in our childhood.

The over-explainer needs to try to validate themselves without processing other people’s emotions first.

This is what my therapist told me, to not take disagreements personally, because it’s an over-vigilance of the self that’s happening when you do.

That whatever you say or believe may just not resonate with *them*, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person.

We live in such a beautiful life with different perspectives on what feels good for different people. Honor the perspective that feels good for you. Even if there’s a group that doesn’t see you, there will be those that will

So to the over-explainer, I see you. Save your breath.

Wow I hade no idea this would do numbers. I made a free patreon post for the Over-Explainer with tips on what helps me stop over explaining myself! Check it out if you’d like to. You are loved https://www.patreon.com/posts/45770703