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There are two separate processes re forming sexual identity that purity culture says are just one process - the pursuit of responsibility (safe sex or abstinence) and the pursuit of pleasure. https://twitter.com/cindywangbrandt/status/1345522558930616320
Purity culture says they're the same - that pursuing abstinence means you've been responsible, and guarantees your sex life will be pleasurable.
In effect, purity culture ignores the pursuit of pleasure entirely, because purity, and procreation within purity, are the only goals of sex
(actually, on reflection, purity culture emphasizes only man's pleasure, and places responsibility for it on woman)
(actually, on reflection, purity culture emphasizes only man's pleasure, and places responsibility for it on woman)
Those who wait for marriage may have avoided some of sex's dangers (abstinence = being responsible) but they have no guidance on pursuit of pleasure, and may have internalized pleasure is in fact a danger, is irresponsible. Their sexual identity remains undeveloped.
For those who don't wait, the harm depends on how much they remain under purity culture's influence. If they're still subject to it, then they receive direct condemnation that their pursuit of pleasure MADE THEM irresponsible and sinful.
But they're separate processes! We need to learn responsibility (consent, sti protection, birth control) and merely being abstinent does not guarantee we learn any of that! Many examples of abstinent couples who have no idea ab any of it!!
I rejected purity culture in a painful hodge podge way, so that I learned how to be responsible via many mistakes lol. And I did not uncouple the pursuit of my pleasure from 'being responsible' until my 30s.
I think realizing I'm queer was the first fracture in my understanding. I felt complete when I reconceptualized sexual responsibility outside of abstinence only. But now I realize I still need to develop my pleasure. It's tough to find resources, y'all!
Also, purity culture ignores how much of this work is solo personal inner work that does not require partnering.
