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• how to help someone else : a thread •
[this thread is based on my opinion and experience: what has been useful for me while helping my loved ones and also what has helped me(: so you may not agree with everything and it’s okay!]
• 1 •
you don’t have to help. you are not obligated to, never feel the pressure of having to do it. nevertheless, helping is one of the best things we can do for others. it helps us to develop empathy, to connect with others and it reminds us of our human nature.
you don’t have to help. you are not obligated to, never feel the pressure of having to do it. nevertheless, helping is one of the best things we can do for others. it helps us to develop empathy, to connect with others and it reminds us of our human nature.
• 2 •
not everyone want to be helped. some people won’t accept help and we should respect it. people are allowed to reject it and it won’t always mean they’re bad or that we don’t know how to help: suffering can make them put up a wall for their own protection.
not everyone want to be helped. some people won’t accept help and we should respect it. people are allowed to reject it and it won’t always mean they’re bad or that we don’t know how to help: suffering can make them put up a wall for their own protection.
• 3 •
always listen first. one of the basics of helping and communication is listening to whatever the person you are talking to has to say. even just hearing them out can be all they need, that might be what they want: to be heard.
always listen first. one of the basics of helping and communication is listening to whatever the person you are talking to has to say. even just hearing them out can be all they need, that might be what they want: to be heard.
• 4 •
how you approach someone is important. you can’t walk in their life as “i’m here to fix it all” nor you can force your way through. asking them first if they need help is important, another basic of helping.
how you approach someone is important. you can’t walk in their life as “i’m here to fix it all” nor you can force your way through. asking them first if they need help is important, another basic of helping.
• 5 •
there’s a difference between helping and solving problems. you are not expected to solve everything when helping someone, that’s not how it should be. we can guide them, give them advice or just lend them an ear but we can’t fix it all.
there’s a difference between helping and solving problems. you are not expected to solve everything when helping someone, that’s not how it should be. we can guide them, give them advice or just lend them an ear but we can’t fix it all.
• 6 •
here might enter the “hero/savior complex”. one thing is being a caring and supportive person and another thing is wanting to “fix” everything for someone or even “fix them”. that will hurt them, or you might make them push you away.
here might enter the “hero/savior complex”. one thing is being a caring and supportive person and another thing is wanting to “fix” everything for someone or even “fix them”. that will hurt them, or you might make them push you away.
• 7 •
when should you give them your advice? only when you’re asked to.
when should you give them your advice? only when you’re asked to.
• 8 •
do i always have to know what to tell them, to give them advice or something like that? no. you won’t have all the answers and it’s okay. what you can do is ask questions so both of you can figure it out together.
do i always have to know what to tell them, to give them advice or something like that? no. you won’t have all the answers and it’s okay. what you can do is ask questions so both of you can figure it out together.
• 9 • (1/2)
what if what i say upsets them? remember that they might be in pain, and when we are suffering we can’t think straight nor think twice before speaking. you can reflect on what you said and check if you were wrong and if not, please, don’t lash out at them, it will
what if what i say upsets them? remember that they might be in pain, and when we are suffering we can’t think straight nor think twice before speaking. you can reflect on what you said and check if you were wrong and if not, please, don’t lash out at them, it will
• 9 • (2/2)
only make things worse. maybe stepping out is better for both of you. however, i think that if someone is trying to help you and you are rude to them, you might also need to consider it and reflect on how you responded. no one should ever be disrespectful.
only make things worse. maybe stepping out is better for both of you. however, i think that if someone is trying to help you and you are rude to them, you might also need to consider it and reflect on how you responded. no one should ever be disrespectful.
• 10 • (1/2)
“you can’t help others if you’re struggling.” i don’t completely agree with this. occasionally, by helping others you can find answers to your own situation or see it from another perspective. nevertheless, i think that sometimes it might also be counterproductive:
“you can’t help others if you’re struggling.” i don’t completely agree with this. occasionally, by helping others you can find answers to your own situation or see it from another perspective. nevertheless, i think that sometimes it might also be counterproductive:
• 10 • (2/2)
it can drain you or you can lose focus and end up relating too much to the point of venting to them. i don’t know if i made myself clear, but that’s why specialists focused on helping (like psychiatrists) have vacations/rests from seeing their patients.
it can drain you or you can lose focus and end up relating too much to the point of venting to them. i don’t know if i made myself clear, but that’s why specialists focused on helping (like psychiatrists) have vacations/rests from seeing their patients.
• 11 •
a random compliment to someone will always make their day! never forget to be kind to others, you don’t need a reason! words of encouragement are also well received and appreciated.
a random compliment to someone will always make their day! never forget to be kind to others, you don’t need a reason! words of encouragement are also well received and appreciated.
• 12 •
being supportive is great, yes. but never forget that you also deserve help. you can ask for it, being vulnerable is okay and there’s always somebody willing to be there for you. you deserve to be taken care of.
being supportive is great, yes. but never forget that you also deserve help. you can ask for it, being vulnerable is okay and there’s always somebody willing to be there for you. you deserve to be taken care of.
[these are the things that came to my mind, but i’ll add more if i think i forgot something. also, if you think there’s anything i can add, let me know! always be kind! 
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