lmao, it's a disgusting, dehumanising culture - as a young woman, I once wrote a grateful email to abusive ex for finally leaving me alone after years of harassment & mental torture so I'd say the bar is non-existent, thank fucking god for feminism, therapy & personal growth. https://twitter.com/emrazz/status/1345240002293325825

the email was in response to incessant emailing ofc, it was framed in gratitude coz I was terrified he would change his mind and keep on, in hindsight, it was just self preservation from someone completely unhinged

when I think back, the relief & freedom at the prospect of being rid of an emotionally violent, gaslighting, narcissistic abuser & stalker, who was charismatic & liked by many in uni, was so overwhelming, it didn't even occur to me to be *angry* that this guy wrecked my life

in the moment, the freedom from abuse was too precious to squander with coping - it only hit me years after, as trauma often does - suppressed rage at him, even more at everyone who enabled him, stood by him, protected him & ofc authorities that let women & girls down as a rule

as it happens suppressing that kind of trauma has consequences, that manifest in myriad ways incl. debilitating depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, memory loss, embodied inexplicable fears you don't understand or remember - being in therapy doesn't fix anything immediately

TW - ugh sorry didn't put it earlier, mental health, trauma

Ofc therapy isn't abt *fixing* anyway - in 2017, #MeToo happened. It was my intro to the idea that I could give myself emotional permission to feel enraged at being hurt like that, both at the abuser & his enablers

TW - abuse, misogyny

literally the thing that broke an emotional wall that had kept years of experiencing narcissistic abuse in silence because I was convinced I wouldn't be believed came down tentatively (mind you I was a lawyer with a post grad degree & work ex by then)

the fact that so many women were speaking up & weren't being completely dismissed (backlash was brutal for those who remember) was enough of a window to break down & atleast tell my therapist what happened. being in law school meant I knew the law & how useless it was in reality

being able to talk about it was the start of finally feeling my feelings, to begin to heal - #MeToo quite literally helped save my life, up until then nothing had helped to make me trust that I'd be believed - I wasn't even aware of this fear, it was so unconscious, so deeprooted

so when people talk about due process, I want to laugh. It assumes / constructs a survivor who is emotionally & psychologically able to advocate for herself - it may be true for some, it definitely wasn't for me & many I know - rape culture blames the victim, ingrains self-blame

It's cruel. While I wouldn't wish the dehumanisation of legal sexual harassment / violence proceedings on any survivor, I recognise how valuable their existence & use is, if they work - I do wish we generated feminist psychosocial awareness, to make laws that actually work

Resharing this excellent thread on dealing with sexual violence - it's harm reduction & mitigation through feminist empowerment, coz sexual violence is a reality. Instead of criminal laws which don't work, we need feminist, psychosocial, sex edu in unis https://twitter.com/NBedera/status/1217893350436569088?s=20