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Can we all stop playing the suffering Olympics? You know this game. It’s the one where everyone fights with their friends to prove they have it worse than everyone else.
In a world full of suffering, no one wins this competition.
Empathy, on the other hand, may help us heal.
In a world full of suffering, no one wins this competition.
Empathy, on the other hand, may help us heal.
It goes like this:
Person A: I can’t believe I lost my job. I don’t know how I’m going to pay my rent.
Person B: Well, at least you’re still healthy. With my arthritis I can’t even work.
Often Person B goes on to explain how their suffering is more extreme/sad/awful.
Person A: I can’t believe I lost my job. I don’t know how I’m going to pay my rent.
Person B: Well, at least you’re still healthy. With my arthritis I can’t even work.
Often Person B goes on to explain how their suffering is more extreme/sad/awful.
This leaves Person A feeling invalidated when what Person A actually needed was some emotional support.
Person B is also struggling and in need of support. Rather than competing about who has it worse, maybe it’s “yes, and”?
YES, you are suffering. AND so am I.
Person B is also struggling and in need of support. Rather than competing about who has it worse, maybe it’s “yes, and”?
YES, you are suffering. AND so am I.
If we can agree to that, then we can move forward and help each other. But as long as we’re trying to prove our situation is worse, we can’t make progress and get beyond our suffering. After all, we don’t want to stay in the suffering, do we? What does that gold medal get you?
So who’s in? Can we stop invalidating each other’s pain chasing the “most suffering human” award?
(I’m mainly thinking of this in an interpersonal, rather than cross-society perspective. I believe life is hard for everyone, but I also know some people (
) have more privilege bc of social class, race, gender, etc. I’m just talking about within our own social circles.)
) have more privilege bc of social class, race, gender, etc. I’m just talking about within our own social circles.)
