1. It feels the right time to tell this story about how kindness & compassion in healthcare stays with the receiver. The person was me, nearly 20 years ago when I had brain surgery. The night before surgery the consent form was explained, the worst outcomes being death or

2. being paralysed from neck down (losing mobility is still my greatest fear). That night I didn’t sleep, & cried all night. Surgery due at 2pm was changed to 8am which meant I didn’t see my Mum before being taken to OR. I wasn’t sure I’d see her or my loved ones again

3. so was hysterical with fear when I met the anaesthetist outside the theatre. I don’t know his name but can vaguely remember his face. He sat next to me, took my hand in his, asked me about my fears. He took time to listen, promised he would take the best care of me.

4. Several unpleasant things needed to be done prior to the anaesthetic & he could see I wouldn’t handle that.
He knew I was a nurse & we joked about the best knock out drugs. He held my hand & counted down from 10 with me...

5. Day or 2 later in ITU, visual hallucinations on morphine & high dose steroids, temp losing feeling in lower half of body which was freaking me out. The cannula I knew had blown & I could not pee through the catheter. In agony but very confused no one seemed to believe me

6. And then he was there. Calming, reassuring, listening to the rambling, having a bit of a giggle. Put new cannula in, asked nurse to check the catheter & asked if I felt I needed to sleep. Joked about knock out cocktail & administered & I finally didn’t remember that night.

7. This anaesthetist I have never forgotten for ‘holding me’ in the scariest moments I have ever had. That compassion, calmness & kindness has always stayed with me. I wish I’d been able to tell him this.

8. So if you’re that anaesthetist who worked at the National in London (UCLH) around 23/03/2002 thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ll never know what a difference you made.