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Something autistic people often get accused of is “over sharing”. This is a curious example of a positive characteristic (openness) being pathologised. “Over sharing” is generally presented as someone failing to understand and comply with appropriate communication boundaries.
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The first time I remember being conscious of “over sharing” was when my periods started at the age of 13. My mother’s friend had called round for coffee, and I mentioned this, excitedly. Her reaction was embarrassment. Clearly this information was not supposed to be shared.
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It was sad that something I saw as a cause for wonderment and celebration had to be concealed because it was connected with human biology. As #autistic people we learn that “over sharing” all kinds of things: insights, objections, facts, truths, can lead to us being shamed.
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Something like “over sharing” that is seen as an autistic deficit can quite easily be turned on its head. Are autistic people too honest and open or has society lost touch with the truth? I “over share” quite consciously. I consider what I say. I don’t just blurt things out.
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We’d all be much healthier if we shared information more freely. Neurotypical culture often relies on building edifices for the ego and suppressing what’s real, or flawed, or true. People end up comparing themselves with artifices, and feeling miserable when they fall short.
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“Over sharing” isn’t something innate I can’t over ride. As a social worker I had no difficulty maintaining appropriate professional boundaries. And there are things about my life I don’t share on Twitter because they concern other people and would intrude on their privacy.
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At certain times in my life I wasn’t able to share much at all, because the work I did required me to be invisible on social media. In other jobs I had to be careful not to say anything that might be seen to compromise official policy. I like being free to say what I want now.
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Like many people I’ve been bullied, abused and put at risk in other ways, so I take this into account when I decide what to share. Information posted publicly can be read by people who don’t have my best interests at heart, they could even weaponise it and use it against me.
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There are risks associated with “under sharing” too of course. If we don’t tell other people what’s going on we may be more vulnerable to abuse. Bullying often starts with small acts of unpleasantness. Not speaking up or objecting to these may result in things escalating.
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Abusers and bullies often hope we will keep quiet due to fear, misplaced guilt, or shame. Our silence protects them. And getting disapproval for “over sharing” could be equated with autistic people being coerced into having “quiet hands”. A form of subjugation and oppression.
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