If we can abolish alcohol and also make sure everyone is in their homes by sunset we should be able to eliminate most traumatic death. Of course people fall from heights too so we should probably ban all buildings above one storey. Then those car things - banned until they can

drive themselves, just can’t risk it. Guns are already almost banned, we’ll just have to wrestle the legal gun owners for theirs but once the public understands that we’re just trying to save lives they’ll back this action. Now knives are tricky because people cut food with them.

But do you really need to cut food at the expense of people dying? Surely nobody is that heartless. Besides the food that really requires knives is usually meat and meat causes heart attacks so we’ll be saving even more lives. Knives banned! Almost there methinks.

Now what to do about home made weapons and broken glass bottles used to stab etc. Gotta ban metal and glass, the public just can’t be trusted with those. Maybe we can give people licenses to own that stuff, but only the responsible ones rich enough to buy the licenses. Only issue

is that we’ll have to make most items and containers out of plastic which might hurt the sea turtles, but given that we’re saving HUMAN lives it should be totally cool. Alright now down to the last 3 hurdles to eliminating all traumatic death.

1. People who slip and fall

2. People who have fists and use them
3. Criminals who have never cared about bans and will use/acquire weapons regardless

The first one is easy. We have to simply limit human movement and mandate that shoes with grippy soles be worn at all times. Actually let’s ban other shoes.

Now the last two are a bit more complicated but we have to remember we’re trying to save lives here, so I know it’s not ideal but for the greater good we’re just going to have to off those two groups. Don’t worry not the death penalty, that would be illiberal. What we’ll do is

set up these camps where we send anyone violent. Not sure what we’ll call them but it’ll be somewhere where they can concentrate on what they’ve done without any food or water. Then nature will take its course in a non traumatic way.

Together we can save lives!