Read on Twitter
I wanna go to sleep but my wife won’t let me til midnight so now I gotta roast y’all to stay awake.
Send me a selfie and I’ll tell you what 2021 looks like for you.
Send me a selfie and I’ll tell you what 2021 looks like for you.
Your 2021 is gonna get off to a rocky start when you find out your pastor lied and Donald Trump ISN’T inaugurated for a second term on Jan 20.
Don’t drink the punch after church on January 24. If you make it past then you can bounce back. https://twitter.com/iamjoshknox/status/1344844127591010309
Don’t drink the punch after church on January 24. If you make it past then you can bounce back. https://twitter.com/iamjoshknox/status/1344844127591010309
You’re gonna continue dodging the barber until you get your second dose of the moderna vaccine in September. https://twitter.com/prophtpriestkng/status/1344845002527158272
You and @JarranSainsbury gon keep flirtin on the timeline until your friends give you the courage to finally propose https://twitter.com/huntercrowder6/status/1344845007476416514
You and Britney Spears are gonna get divorced and you’re never gonna get another gig as a backup dancer because you can’t keep professional boundaries. https://twitter.com/calebsrobertson/status/1344845356299923459
Your mustache and bangs are gonna meet at your nose and you gon live in the woods and photobomb people and then dip so they think they imagined it https://twitter.com/ClayIngold/status/1344845672642654208
Your YouTube channel where you read poetry about knitting dog sweaters is gonna get suspended for a copyright violation https://twitter.com/ruthgoose/status/1344846250517143553
Your gonna win that class action suit against Four Loko for what they did to your attention span https://twitter.com/thereallootski/status/1344846319865585664
You’re gonna get that promotion at Best Buy. Assistant Manager Seth looks good on you, bro https://twitter.com/realsethwaldrop/status/1344846350186381312
Nobody’s gonna pick up that children’s cartoon you’re pitching about a reformed superhero named Sola Futura https://twitter.com/1689wolverine/status/1344846483481358336
You’re gonna open an Etsy shop selling pictures of the bottom of your face https://twitter.com/rachelkaytaylor/status/1344846545653526529
You’re gonna go viral for recording yourself calling the cops on a white lady for calling the cops on a black man https://twitter.com/jodipompa/status/1344846717867483137
That summer camp you teach swimming at gon close after y’all keep makin them babies wear masks in the pool https://twitter.com/annaraeoflight/status/1344846920544636933
Your hairline gon come back like Jordan wearin the 45 https://twitter.com/gabeposey/status/1344846922788581377
Your cable provider is gonna drop Lifetime and you’re gonna start a http://change.org petition to fight the decision. https://twitter.com/pilgrimageosf/status/1344847198849265670
Your voice is finally gonna drop https://twitter.com/djb6684/status/1344847425714978816
You’re gonna fall in love with the fine art of sock puppet shows all over again. https://twitter.com/crosby_katie/status/1344847705152106502
They’re gonna invent a mask that leaves the nose naked and you’re going to start a grassroots movement to outlaw them https://twitter.com/jcdulos1/status/1344847776497217537
This is the year you come on home and shave that head https://twitter.com/justinthoffman/status/1344847808000569345
2021 is the year your SoundCloud beats finally start getting plays and Jack Harlow is gonna buy a track from you, but never gon pay you and y’all gon be in court til 2023 https://twitter.com/adrianluismanr1/status/1344847820218454016
You’re going vegan on January 1 til you find out that Frapps got dairy in em and change your mind. https://twitter.com/beccalizz/status/1344847875549741060
You’re addiction to cat prints is gonna strain some of your closest relationships https://twitter.com/dbfoster14/status/1344847876942422016
You’re finally gonna learn to smile with your whole face https://twitter.com/jericphil/status/1344847911016931329
2021 the year you stop letting people you don’t really know like that touch your hair https://twitter.com/mishalariah/status/1344847942012854274
Around March you discover that everyone else was using a digital zoom background and ain’t actually buy a physical backdrop like you did https://twitter.com/matthewjwarner/status/1344848287862550529
You’re gonna get a Parlor account cuz Twitter keeps telling you Derek Carr stinks https://twitter.com/gambombs/status/1344848851421851649
You’re gonna take up unicycling to avoid cabin fever https://twitter.com/jaime_coy/status/1344848903187869697
After this pic goes viral, you carve out a lucrative career as the guy who did all the things in all the Law & Order SVU episodes https://twitter.com/adamwm89/status/1344848980581249024
You’re going to steal time at work by pretending you froze on the zoom meetings and then signing off, but then forget that you’re not on zoom and pretend to freeze in a real meeting when outside is safe again https://twitter.com/cgbutler27/status/1344849127851618305
Your 2021 is filled with no less than 4 different colors of the rainbow in your hair at some point. https://twitter.com/bmelaniea/status/1344849775338917888
2021 intramural ultimate frisbee championship tournament runner-up if I’ve ever seen one https://twitter.com/mrjosh95/status/1344849882167848961
2021 is the year you realize all them streaming services you got cost more than cable and you decide to just watch YouTube instead.
You’re radicalized by April. https://twitter.com/riahthelee/status/1344850124175011845
You’re radicalized by April. https://twitter.com/riahthelee/status/1344850124175011845
You wake up late every day in 2021 and only have enough time to groom your hair or your beard, but NEVER both https://twitter.com/alex_long381/status/1344850160799592448
In 2021, your house loses its historical landmark status so you’re finally cleared to raise those doorways and not look 9 feet tall in all your selfies https://twitter.com/carlmjenks/status/1344850336637476864
This is the year your beard grows long enough to cover the third button on your shirt so now you gotta leave your shirt unbuttoned to the 4th button to show that torso https://twitter.com/drovja/status/1344850595920936961
You gon tick ya neighbors off when you paint the outside of the crib purple, but they ain’t gon do nothin bout it cuz they not bout that life https://twitter.com/litpreacher_wmn/status/1344850707887910912
You decide to pursue your dreams as a Tiger Woods impersonator on the Vegas strip and never look back https://twitter.com/hoanglong100/status/1344850750229393408
In 2021 your closest friends and family stage an intervention for your unhealthy dependence on GIGANTIC coffee mugs cuz you can’t fit no other dishes in ya cabinets and you be eatin spaghetti out of mugs and pizza off of paper towels https://twitter.com/honestly_m_/status/1344850780344492032
2021 is the year they launch that Harry Potter streaming service you been waiting on and you spend $12/month to watch the same 8 movies on demand. https://twitter.com/clhowley/status/1344850866084298752
Your 2021 is gonna turn that frown upside down https://twitter.com/seatexhex/status/1344851015120502786
In 2021, Elle magazine credits you with inventing the high top fade, and the NAACP sues them. It’s unfair cuz you didn’t ask them to do that but now you feel like the bad guy. https://twitter.com/shemomjojo/status/1344851299418976256
You spend the first 5 months of 2021 mad at what the kids did to the couch and the rest of the year lookin at new couches online but you wait til Labor Day to actually buy one cuz that’s when the best deals are. https://twitter.com/breakaway11/status/1344851493719969793
In 2021, you get brave enough to work the other angles in your selfies and the newfound confidence lands you in GQ https://twitter.com/williamsjeff1/status/1344851849082331137
In 2021, TikTok loses out to something way newer and whacker, you realize how fleeting life is, and you try to go backpacking before you realize they still not lettin us travel nowhere https://twitter.com/beccasuebrown/status/1344852014732341248
In 2021, you learn that adults don’t have to finger paint with their whole hands and they even make brushes if you wanna do it more efficiently. https://twitter.com/realandreac/status/1344852099733962752
Married with Children gets a reboot you get super psyched about, but then it gets cancelled and it feels like 2020 all over again. https://twitter.com/MJSmith891/status/1344852185440346112
2021 is the year you run out of nicknames for your dog. Sorry 
https://twitter.com/joyfulsojournr/status/1344852193426419712
https://twitter.com/joyfulsojournr/status/1344852193426419712
Phew. It’s almost midnight. I’m done. For now at least. Sorry if I didn’t get to you yet. A LOT of selfies in there.
Happy New Year.
Love y’all.
Happy New Year.
Love y’all.
