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Something more and more friends tell me to say “out loud” is that I am sober. Not sober after struggling with alcohol, sober as in I don’t drink and never have. I also don’t smoke anything or take any drugs
I don’t entertain the idea of glorifying any kind of frog lord lifestyle
I don’t entertain the idea of glorifying any kind of frog lord lifestyle
Which includes watching series like Narcos or Breaking Bad (a series about the trope of the white man whose circumstances drive him to trafficking) but where I’m from, those same circumstances deem my people “lazy” who want a “easy way out”
I don’t know why I am feeling so compelled to encourage people to live as much as they can, a sober lifestyle- maybe it is because I do get people inviting me to enjoy fancy things and byproducts of weed, or fancy cigars or actual chemical drugs- I never take it
I guess I started singing in metal bands at age 11 and the men around me (my age now) where afraid of my “Indian” mother who would kill them if something ever happened to me back in Colombia.
I attribute my artistic brilliance and prolific to an almost excessive degree to ME
I attribute my artistic brilliance and prolific to an almost excessive degree to ME
My discipline and the pure joy that singing alone in a dark room gives me. My best songs and performances happen in the privacy of my own home with my children, when I sing baby to sleep or when I do the dishes with my son while husb vacuums in the background
More and more I notice how the few friends I’ve got left that are close and dear to me, are thinking about maybe starting a family and feeling scared that they won’t be able to party or have fun in life - I just laugh because in my reality as an 80year old trapped in a 30y/o body
Partying without getting paid to do so, IS THE WASTE OF TIME.
If people reading this are thinking about living a sober life, I can tell you “do it! It’s great!” But I also don’t know what it feels like to *enjoy* alcohol or cigarettes (which to me are a mistake) - I don’t know
If people reading this are thinking about living a sober life, I can tell you “do it! It’s great!” But I also don’t know what it feels like to *enjoy* alcohol or cigarettes (which to me are a mistake) - I don’t know
What “I am missing” but I want to continue to live this way where my addiction is my art and creation and where all my thoughts are consumed with Beauty and new songs and melodies and dreams of a choir made up of 100 women singing in unison next to the ocean: MY SUBLIME
I am spending NYE alone, for the first time ever. No children, no husband, just me and my drawings and I feel happy and grateful for the time I still have on my own before family returns, I need to be in silence and slow down because I know 2021 will bring more hectic-ness
Someone wanted to make me believe I couldn’t create without them, I never believed them. They told me I would never be happy without them, and I almost believed it, it almost cost me my life - again, I don’t know who im writing this for but alas...
2020 has been devastating for so many that have never experienced pain or fear before. For people like me who see and feel pain from all directions I am grateful for having been granted good news, good things for my career and by good things I have to include the breakups -
Breakups from friends who were never friends, partners who were never partners and “sisters” who were just waiting for their moment to belittle or use me - but all of that is over now - and I certainly hope that if anything 2020 was the catalyst and the filter - no more baggage
And no more pressure to “be cool” because ‘cool’ means to spend money we don’t have on objects we don’t even like. No more pressure to take the drugs or smoke the cigs and drink the drinks because everyone else is doing it too
There is power in saying “no thanks” and moving on
There is power in saying “no thanks” and moving on
There is power in doing art because it feels good but because it will give us “likes” and I know it’s a cliche, and I too myself feel tempted to say “screw it” and join the sheep and the Shepard’s stick to conduct my life into the pit of commercially creative blankness...
But I know the world is changing and the youth is wise and sooner or later we will give up gender binary but also political gender binary I can see it already - it’s blurry but I can still see it
Thank you for a strong and validating 2020 thank you for the lessons and the love and the patience thank you 
