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Been thinking about "Fetch the Bolt Cutters" since I played it for yesterday's moment of #XPzeN. Really, I've been thinking about it since Fiona finally gave us the album in April. That song and this record came from a much different place than The Idler Wheel did in 2013 ...
Sonically, The Idler Wheel felt like trying to row a boat through a storm in the middle of the ocean. Seven years later, Fetch the Bolt Cutters feels like a sailboat expertly navigating some still choppy waters. And that spoke to me *a lot,* as Fiona's lyrics often do.
When I first heard, "Fetch the bolt cutters, I've been in here too long," I thought to myself, I *HAVE* BEEN IN HERE TOO LONG! Inside this head with these thoughts that other people have put there my whole life and I want to break out of this cage I've allowed myself to be put in
There are so many lies I've been told about myself that I've believed because I, like many women, was raised to be a people pleaser with little regard for my own well being. But the sheer amount of 
that 2020 handed us claimed all the capacity I had left for hiding truths.
that 2020 handed us claimed all the capacity I had left for hiding truths.
Looking around, I see other people are at their capacity for bs, too. I am so proud of a dear, unnamed friend for finally being brutally honest with her family. I love that @RahRahRaina just started sharing poetry she had kept hidden in notebooks on a shelf for years!
For me, this means allowing myself to write and record and *share* songs. I can't even begin to tell you how significant it was to actually post "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" last week. EVERYONE used to know that I sing, and now no one does. For too many reasons.
Damn those reasons. Damn those traumas. I don't want to quietly carry them for others' comfort anymore. My resolution for 2021 is to drop them. My hope is that *something* good has come out of 2020 for you, too, and that we can all begin to heal in the new year. Peace to you. xo
