We need to have a conversation about #masculinity.

But guess what? “We” means everyone.

No, stop it.

I see you, fellow liberal. You’re pointing at your conservative neighbor.

“You mean THOSE neanderthals need to, right?! I’m enlightened!! I’m a liberal!”

I mean you.

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We liberals think we’re beyond all that. We’re tolerant. No #ToxicMasculinity for us, thank you very much!

Bullshit. We’re only marginally better than anyone else.

And sometimes we’re worse, because we’re hypocrites, and we’re completely lacking in self-awareness.

Take

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a tweet I sent out last night about my 5-year-old son’s sparkly bracelet he made for me.

Here’s the tweet:

3/16 https://twitter.com/tennesseine/status/1344512714295697408

What was this tweet about to you? Be honest with yourself.

Now go back. Read it again.

Because I think from the reactions the tweet got, many if not most people assumed it had something to do with me being a man “making a sacrifice” for my child by wearing his sparkly

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bracelet despite it being embarrassing for a man to be seen wearing sparkly stuff.

Now please go back and reread a second time.

Just humor me, ok?

Where does it say or even imply that I was embarrassed about the colors or sparkliness?

I’m not saying this to accuse

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you. It’s important stuff.

The tweet was actually about a few things:

1) I’m forgetful by nature.
2) I don’t like jewelry. It’s a tactile thing: I don’t like stuff against my skin like that.
3) I love my baby monkey to the stars and back, so after seeing his hurt face,

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I decided, ok, dammit, sparkly bracelet it is!

None of that has anything to do with sparkliness or the colors or my embarrassment.

Y’all here’s my iPhone case. And here’s the replacement oven mitts I just got from Amazon. Do I seem like someone who is embarrassed by

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a bracelet like that?

I’m not saying this to condemn. And I’m certainly not saying I’m perfect. Far from it. We all have our blind spots. Me included.

But even the well-intentioned responses betrayed the fact that we have so far to go before we stop boxing men in with

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these restrictive definitions of “manliness.”

Read through the replies. Most were very kind.

But so misguided.

Summary: “Aww, you’re so brave and such a good dad for wearing it even though you must feel ridiculous!”

This is killing men. I mean that literally.

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We box men in so tightly, so narrowly that many are absolutely terrified of appearing weak or “effeminate.”

We see this in mortality rates for diseases. Men won’t see their doctors about many conditions because “suck it up, buttercup” or “wouldn’t that be embarrassing.”

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We see it mental illness. Men are less likely to get help, because we don’t want to be “weak.”

(I see a therapist every Tuesday at 9. Not because I’m weak. Because I’m strong.)

And women, here’s where we need you, too. And where I will get negative blowback, because I’m

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about to point a finger at y’all, too.

When men see you making comments like “aww, it’s brave to wear pink sparkly stuff!” when that wasn’t even the topic of conversation, you’re calling out that the color of a man’s accessories is a defining aspect of his manhood that

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he has to “get over” to begin with.

And that was just the POSITIVE comments. One woman whose bio claimed she was a “resister” actually said I’d be “moving on to nail polish” next.

This has to stop. All of it.

Colors and accessories and superficial stuff: these do not

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make us men (or women).

Here’s what makes me a male. Ready? Take notes as it’s a long list!

1) I identify as a man.

<end of list>

Did you get all that?

Good. Because that’s the entire list.

So whether you’re a trans man or a cis man or “just one of the guys” man

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none of the other BS matters. Just be a good, decent man, ok?

And let go of all the pressure. Because it’s so unnecessary and soooo toxic.

My name is Christopher.

I like shooting guns.

I like pink phone cases.

I like working out and running.

I like bath bombs

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and bubble baths with candles.

I like jumping out of airplanes.

I looooove pedicures!

I enjoy the occasional football game.

NOTHING on that list *contributes to* or *takes away from* who I am.

I am a man.

Please redefine what makes you one, guys.

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