Spent my therapy session discussing fandom, ships, creative coping, discourse, death threats after going viral when I was prev a lurker, “Alice”, and being a therapist in these spaces.

In dirty, unfiltered detail.

I’d thought I’d share some of our discussion points below:

Therapist: So what I’m hearing is that they’re trying to police peoples’ imaginations...but creativity is a great coping tool or processing outlet. Even dark topics. Because it’s fictional.

Me:

Therapist: and it’s hard to engage in that space like you’ve done in the past 20 years because now you get death threats if you don’t engage they way they want you to since there’s no divide or separate spaces. Death threats to real humans over fictional characters?

Me: yep!

Me: they’ll frequently say psychology is on their side.

Therapist: *scoffs* There’s so many studies and books on the power of unlimited creativity for processing and exploring trauma, emotions, or for fun.

Me: oh. I know. I show them and then get told I’m wrong

Them:

Me: I feel foolish spending our 2nd session on this but since fandom is a big part of my life, esp w the Alice account,I need to lay the foundation in case it comes up again.

Therapist: absolutely. It seems it’s a big part of how you cope and now you can’t express as needed.

Therapist: walk me through one of your “problematic ships” and their dynamic

Me: *describes in detail*

Therapist: So the ages aren’t what you care about. You like complex, grey dynamics and playing with them. I can’t believe this is an issue online. Death threats?!

Me: right?

Me: *gives some hot take examples*

Therapist: wait, wait. Isn’t the purpose of fictional characters to sexualize and just have fun with them? Because they aren’t real humans you’re putting in these scenarios?

Me: say that online and you’ll be enemy #1

Them:

Therapist: would you be willing to show me your book collection?

Me: *shows both pure & PROBLEMATIC doujins*

Them: *doesnt call me an abuser, pedo, or freak out* i see a lot of your joy in collecting-but you can’t share that joy bc of trolls.

Me: oh shit! Let’s process that.

Therapist: would you be willing to share some death threats you got that still resonate- for reflection?

Me: yep let’s do it

Them: I can understand how being called ___ when you’re a survivor & a therapist can take a huge mental toll away from having fun online to decompress.

Therapist: I wonder how it would feel to try and separate yourself from the Alice persona. Like when you log on you’re Alice, and can turn Alice “off” when you leave. To make the comments hurt less through distance.

Me: I’ll utilize mindfulness to see how that feels this week

// That’s some of the details I felt like sharing into the void. I hope this doesn’t get too many numbers since this was a nice way to reflect post session and chill. Not shocked by their response since we both know our fields and the purpose of fiction .