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How to Succeed with New Year’s Resolutions (a thread)
It’s that time of year again, the one where many of us think back over the last year (or maybe a couple) and vow to make a change, set a resolution, promise ourselves that we are going to be better in one way or another.
It’s that time of year again, the one where many of us think back over the last year (or maybe a couple) and vow to make a change, set a resolution, promise ourselves that we are going to be better in one way or another.
In the next few days we will have our new gym membership ready to go, our first of many new books picked out, the area of debt we want to pay down first, a room picked out that will be organized before the others, or the mindset that we will no longer be doing that bad habit that
has haunted us for years.
January - we will start off strong
February - starting to skip some days now
March - did a week just pass? Maybe two?
April - basically we have given up
May - what was my New Year’s Resolution again?
Does this sound familiar? Yeah, me too.
January - we will start off strong
February - starting to skip some days now
March - did a week just pass? Maybe two?
April - basically we have given up
May - what was my New Year’s Resolution again?
Does this sound familiar? Yeah, me too.
Truth is this is something most of us are familiar with. The practice of setting a goal for a better and more healthy year, starting off strong and then watching that goal disappear as we fall back into our old, unhealthy habits and behaviors. We have also heard year after year
that this happens to most if not all of us and yet we know that but still continue to do it. So what’s the deal? Why can’t we stick to our resolutions and what can we do about it? Can we ever truly accomplish those elusive goals?
The reality is that the way we make New Year’s
The reality is that the way we make New Year’s
resolutions are faulty. It’s not that we aren’t good enough or committed, it’s not even that it is a bad goal or something that is unattainable. The truth is that we aren’t successful because our brains are not designed to have success in the manner of which we are hoping.
More on this to come later.
The second reason we are unsuccessful in accomplishing our goals is that we don’t realize that with all change comes loss. Lori Gottlieb says that “We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want to change but nonetheless
The second reason we are unsuccessful in accomplishing our goals is that we don’t realize that with all change comes loss. Lori Gottlieb says that “We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want to change but nonetheless
stay exactly the same.” For example, if we want to drop weight then what are we willing to lose in order to achieve that goal? Soda, treats, free time, television, etc? In order to drop the weight we want we all know we have to be willing to let some of these things go. Are we
truly ready for that loss in our lives? Further, loss is multi-layered. We aren’t just losing the tangible items listed above, we are also losing what those things represent. With the loss of good food we can be losing something that brings us comfort, we could be losing a coping
mechanism. Free time and television could represent relaxation, decompression, or an escape from a stressful busy life. Are we prepared to lose the meaning behind the tangible items we are replacing? Do we need to find those things elsewhere? If we don’t have comfort, coping
mechanisms, or an escape how long will we commit to change?
So what do we do about it and how can we have success in our resolutions? The first thing to do is to acknowledge the loss that you will experience with any change. Accept it and if needed, find a way to replace it.
So what do we do about it and how can we have success in our resolutions? The first thing to do is to acknowledge the loss that you will experience with any change. Accept it and if needed, find a way to replace it.
The next step takes us back to the first reason we fail, our brains aren’t designed to accomplish major changes through the determination and will power that we use on January 1st. Inevitably that motivation, that drive, will run out and we will go back to doing what we have
always done.
Our behaviors have been carefully cultivated and crafted over a long period of time and our brains have developed neural pathways to ensure those behaviors continue because they have served us well and kept us alive. The good news is we have something called
Our behaviors have been carefully cultivated and crafted over a long period of time and our brains have developed neural pathways to ensure those behaviors continue because they have served us well and kept us alive. The good news is we have something called
neuro plasticity. This is a fancy way of saying those pathways in our brain that cause us to do certain behaviors or act a certain way can be changed. With new neural pathways comes new (more desired) behaviors. The catch - just like it took time to build, it also takes time to
change and this can’t be done with a rush of willpower and new found determination that burns bright in the first month and slowly fades out come February, March, and April.
The trick (and recipe for success) is that most big transformations come from the hundreds of tiny steps
The trick (and recipe for success) is that most big transformations come from the hundreds of tiny steps
we take along the way. Instead of setting yourself up for failure with a big lofty goal, forget about the end result and just focus on the steps that will get you there. Instead of saying “I am going to lose 20lbs,” set a tiny goal of walking for ½ mile everyday. Or maybe your
goal can be 1 push up each morning. Don’t tell yourself you are going to save $5,000, set a goal to put $2 into saving every day. Instead of having a resolution to read 12 books this year, make time to read 1 page each night. The trick is to set the goal so low that it is nearly
impossible to fail and let that goal be your measuring stick that you use to build upon. Now any one of these mini goals can and will develop into a mini habit. A mini habit will require your brain’s neural pathways to change and before you know it, you will be consistently doing
your new (desired) behavior every day without having to think about it. Over time the old behavior (neural pathway) will die and the new one will become second nature.
In addition to slowly building a better natural behavior through a mini goal, those things we are giving up
In addition to slowly building a better natural behavior through a mini goal, those things we are giving up
or losing through change (comfort, relaxation, etc) will also be minimized, reducing our level of discomfort.
By setting ourselves up to fail with a major New Years resolution we may find ourselves right back in the same situation within a couple months, little to no progress to
By setting ourselves up to fail with a major New Years resolution we may find ourselves right back in the same situation within a couple months, little to no progress to
show for our effort and no more motivation to continue. If we forget about the end results and focus on the mini behaviors it will take to get there we can and will be much more successful long term.
So...what are your New Year’s Resolutions and what mini goals are you going to put in place to make it a lifestyle change?
