No one else is talking about limerence (obsessive, maladaptive romantic daydreaming,) so here’s a thread about it
 
I think limerence is a lot more common than we realize, but no one talks about it because we THINK we’re the only ones experiencing it.

The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in 1979, who described it as “an involuntary interpersonal state that involves an acute longing, an emotional reciprocation of obsessive compulsive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and emotional dependence on another person.”

Signs of limerence include (but aren’t limited to) :

- Idealizing the person’s traits/features (even “bad” ones)

- Intrusive thoughts about the person

- Obsessively searching for signs of reciprocation

- Being constantly reminded of the person by everything around you

(Contd) (tw/ suicide)

- Extreme fear of rejection by the person

- Severe depressed/ suicidal thoughts if and when rejected by the person

- Planning things out to maximize the chances of seeing the person

Addiction psychiatrist Davis Sack says that although addiction and limerence can look similar in the early stages of romantic relationships, they’re not the same thing. And in a healthy relationship, neither person is limerent.

The problem is that that kind of daydreaming can be really addictive. Thinking about that one person who makes your heart pound is it’s own kind of high when you’re limerent. But it’s also exhausting, and it has some really rough negative consequences.

Rejection by the object of your limerence is painful. But limerence can also interrupt your daily life and affect your functioning. People who experience limerence may spend the majority of their days thinking about the person, making it difficult to focus on daily tasks.

This is complicated by the fact that people with limerence may also have anxiety which can compound on the limerence and make them scared that they’re crazy for obsessing over the person. When I experienced limerence, I was convinced that I was a stalker. I hated myself for it.

Movie/TV portrayals of romantic love have always irked me for a number of (quite obvious) reasons, but I also feel like the obsessive “you’re all I think about” love (which is essentially limerence) is normalized through rom coms/dramatic TV shows, etc.

I’m not an expert on limerence and I’m still learning more about it and doing my own research, but I wanted to write this thread to let y’all know that if you experience these things, you’re not crazy. And you didn’t make this up. You’re not the only one going through this.

There also seems to be a link between limerence and OCD. I honestly don’t trust myself to give a great explanation of it in my own words, so here’s a link to an article that discusses it in detail:  https://medium.com/@neurotic/unrequited-love-the-link-between-limerence-and-ocd-84edfb162a3d

Here’s another article on limerence in case you’re interested in further reading: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-young-and-the-restless/201109/limerence-when-is-it-more-heartbreak%3famp