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Defining 2020: Nomenclature. As we get ready to bid adieu to a year like no other in my memory, it seems appropriate to record for posterity some of the terms, concepts, and people that help define it. Consider this part one, which will focus on definitions.
Part two will consider the people. Where terms have different (R) and (D) definitions, I shall seek to distinguish. This should be considered satire for purposes of my legal defense. If anyone wishes to add your own thoughts and terms, I highly encourage it. Without further ado:
“2020”: a festering turd in a dumpster fire kind of year, in which people around the world came together to agree that they don’t really like each other. The culmination of the worst presidency in U.S. history, where disease, disaster, and violence joined hands and sang to us.
“All Lives Matter”: a statement that should be a truism, adopted by the right as a statement that suggests non-white people should quit whining about silly things like unprovoked and unjustified killings.
“Black Lives Matter”: (D) a statement that activities like driving while black, jogging while black, and sleeping while black should not be treated as capital crimes; (R) an insidious plot to destroy White America.
“Covid”: also “Covid-19” or “coronavirus,” a virus that has ravaged the world and shown us all how little inconvenience is required to overcome basic human compassion in some people.
“Establishment” (also “Swamp”): The group of people holding the most power while claiming to shun others they claim constitute the establishment. Also, the 1st Amendment clause most ignored by Christian fundamentalists.
“Fact-check”: (D) basic research used to support or reject statements people make; (R) CENSORSHIP!!!
“Fake News”: (D) news stories completely invented without factual support; (R) factual reporting that is not overtly favorable to Republicans.
“Freedom”: (D) the rights humans in a democracy expect to have, and ability to exercise said rights; (R) a rallying cry for the abdication of any sense of responsibility to others.
“Grift”: a plan implemented for the sole purpose of taking money from other people, such as every business, foundation, venture, or presidency headed or run by Donald Trump.
“Hoax”: See “Fake News.”
“Insulin”: a life-saving medicine for Type 1 diabetics that everyone agrees is critical and necessary, but not so much so that price gouging will ever stop being a thing. Costs much more than water.
“Malignant Narcissism”: A set of traits that combine narcissistic personality disorder with antisocial, aggressive, sadistic, and paranoid qualities. Displayed daily by the outgoing president.
“Masks”: a cloth/fabric covering used to protect others in close proximity from potential spread of disease during a pandemic. Also a useful means of showing who cares more about mild discomfort than about his or her fellow humans.
“Medicare for All”: (D) a plan designed to extend basic health care access to everyone in the U.S., while saving money and creating rights in line with every other developed country; (R) SOCIALISM!!!
“My body my choice”: (D) shorthand for the notion that a woman should be able to consult doctors and make choices regarding her reproductive rights; (R) you can’t make me wear a mask.
“Never Trumper”: a person who has traditionally identified as a Republican, but believes a uniquely horrible person who runs as a Republican with no values outside of his own financial and ego-driven interests might not be a good choice as president.
“Parler”: a social media platform where the worst of humanity can spew bile because “Freedom,” while excluding people who may hurt their little feelings.
“Principled Republican”: someone who is Republican but will not sacrifice morality for party. Endangered and hurtling toward extinction.
“Snowflake”: (D) someone who cannot listen to criticism; (R) someone who disagrees with us and why are they so mean?!?
“Socialism”: (D) a system in which government works actively to distribute wealth and resources; (R) the worst thing ever, and also the one-word accusation to hurl at any political opponent.
“Trans person”: (D) a kind of human being with basic rights; (R) not that.
“Trumpism”: a worldview in which whatever whim the outgoing president has is more important than silly things like governing philosophy, human rights, or rational thought processes.
