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One year ago I sat in a Starbucks for four hours as the battery drained on my $149 laptop. With no external mouse, I plodded my way around using the trackpad. My goal had always been to help others with their finances. I knew I had a tool that could help them.
I had built my own tracking spreadsheet to measure my most important financial metric - cash flow. It had worked wonders for me, and I knew it could help others, but I had to get over a few fears first - my fear of being disliked and my fear of success.
I've always been afraid to have people dislike me, often capitulating to others demands or beliefs to keep myself in good favor. A little piece of me would die each time I did that, but the fear was strong. What if I released a product that people thought was a scam?
But what if it was successful? Then people would expect more from me. I've always been happiest when they are low or no expectations, because it's easy to overachieve. But what about after a success? Then I have to work harder to reach higher expectations, and risk failure.
But that day in late December in that Starbucks I told myself I wasn't leaving until I released a product. Too many days I had gone to bed with regret that I wasn't moving forward, but I wasn't going to let 2019 end with the same regret.
"It's just a stupid little spreadsheet"
"Anyone can make this in a few hours for themselves"
"People will think I'm a scammer"
"I'm too humble to promote myself"
These were just a few of the thoughts I had that day before hitting upload.
But I did it anyway. Click. Upload.
"Anyone can make this in a few hours for themselves"
"People will think I'm a scammer"
"I'm too humble to promote myself"
These were just a few of the thoughts I had that day before hitting upload.
But I did it anyway. Click. Upload.
I posted a modest tweet with a @gumroad link as my laptop died. I grabbed a Nitro cold brew and headed home. I kept checking my phone, but no sales notifications. 15 minutes after posting I had my cursor over the "delete" button. "This was a dumb idea."
Well something distracted me before I clicked the button and by the end of the day I had 52 sales!! After years of never making money online, and not moving forward on my goal of helping others, I was doing both! Pure elation. I knew what was possible if I quieted my fears.
By the end of that week I had 100 sales. By the end of the year that simple little spreadsheet was downloaded 2,150 times! Testimonials rolled in. People were getting their finances in order. Their stress was going down. Their relationships were improving. https://gumroad.com/l/wBLBA/2021
Funny thing is, that little success didn't tear down my fears and open a whole new world, it actually heightened them. "What if that was a fluke?" "What if people were just being nice and buying it?" For months I curled up and didn't create. The resistance is real.
Only when the regret of inaction exceeded those fears did I begin to create again. Only this time it took a few months rather than a few years. And the next time it was only a few weeks. And now it's almost daily. The fear is still there, but I dance with it rather than fight it.
For me creation came out of necessity. The daily regret was too much, so I forced myself into that Starbucks with a cheap dying laptop and a mandate to create. I lost track of time in those four hours. I experienced the elusive "flow" so critical to creation.
One of my upcoming newsletters will cover my struggle with expectations and failure. I haven't won that war, but I have started to win many battles. If you'd like read about it, please subscribe here: https://markallanbovair.substack.com/
