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FPL STATS OF SHITHOUSERY ππππ πππ‘π
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The Season so far...
The Wildly Shit Bunch
Who has let us down like a deflated balloon so far this season? Who has stunk of 3 day old vomit?
Letβs dive in and name and shame.
ππππ ππ πππ ππππ
The Season so far...
The Wildly Shit Bunch
Who has let us down like a deflated balloon so far this season? Who has stunk of 3 day old vomit?
Letβs dive in and name and shame.
Ryan β 4.3 β BHA
Losing his place to a Spanish pup last month, Matt Ryan has had a dreadful campaign despite being earmarked as the stand-out budget option this year.
He has made just 16 saves, kept 2 clean sheets, and generally been as useful as a Covid denier on Mastermind.
Losing his place to a Spanish pup last month, Matt Ryan has had a dreadful campaign despite being earmarked as the stand-out budget option this year.
He has made just 16 saves, kept 2 clean sheets, and generally been as useful as a Covid denier on Mastermind.
Doherty β 5.7 β TOT
From Fantasy Royalty to Prince Andrew, Matt Doherty has somehow managed to both weaken Wolves and add absolutely nothing to Spurs.
Starting just 7 matches, he has returned just a single assist all season and is behind Aurier in the pecking order.
Aurier.
From Fantasy Royalty to Prince Andrew, Matt Doherty has somehow managed to both weaken Wolves and add absolutely nothing to Spurs.
Starting just 7 matches, he has returned just a single assist all season and is behind Aurier in the pecking order.
Aurier.
Van Aanholt β 5.7 β CRY
Palace have not kept a single clean sheet with PVA in the side this season. He has conceded an average of 2 goals per match and created just a single chance per 90 minutes. Just 20% of his crosses have found a man.
Heβs not fucking βdoing thingsβ is he.
Palace have not kept a single clean sheet with PVA in the side this season. He has conceded an average of 2 goals per match and created just a single chance per 90 minutes. Just 20% of his crosses have found a man.
Heβs not fucking βdoing thingsβ is he.
Wan-Bissaka β 5.3 β MUN
Wank Biscuit was previously about as threatening as a lost lamb in the final third, but somehow, he now seems to have regressed even further from this point.
Heβs now about as threatening as a lamb thatβs already in the slow cooker.
Wank Biscuit was previously about as threatening as a lost lamb in the final third, but somehow, he now seems to have regressed even further from this point.
Heβs now about as threatening as a lamb thatβs already in the slow cooker.
This would perhaps be more forgivable, if he hadnβt also regressed further defensively as well.
Where once stood the finest tackler in the league, he now looks like a duck on ice with the spatial awareness of a 3-year-old.
Either the world around him is inverted⦠or he is.
Where once stood the finest tackler in the league, he now looks like a duck on ice with the spatial awareness of a 3-year-old.
Either the world around him is inverted⦠or he is.
Furlong β 4.5 β WBA
West Brom have conceded 35 goals and do not seem to understand what the concept of defending is, let alone how to do it. They are now managed by a man who is trying to shut down the league because of Covid whilst wearing a mask as a neck brace.
West Brom have conceded 35 goals and do not seem to understand what the concept of defending is, let alone how to do it. They are now managed by a man who is trying to shut down the league because of Covid whilst wearing a mask as a neck brace.
Furlongβs stats this season are an embarrassment of riches for shithousers. He has won just half of his headers and tackles and just 63% of his passes have been successful.
That is the worst % of ANY defender across ALL leagues.
He literally just gives the ball back to you.
That is the worst % of ANY defender across ALL leagues.
He literally just gives the ball back to you.
Berge β 4.9 β SHU
Itβs hard to know what has happened behind the scenes at Brammall Lane, but either way, last seasonβs midfield triumvirate of Norwood, Fleck and Lundstram has been cast aside and scattered at sea.
Sander Berge seems to be the worst parts of all three.
Itβs hard to know what has happened behind the scenes at Brammall Lane, but either way, last seasonβs midfield triumvirate of Norwood, Fleck and Lundstram has been cast aside and scattered at sea.
Sander Berge seems to be the worst parts of all three.
Aubameyang β 11.4 β ARS
Behind Saka, Lookman and Soucek for shots
Behind Bamford, Mahrez and Cavaleiro for accuracy
Behind Neto, Bowen and Anthony βpart-timeβ Martial for touches in box
Behind Reid, Zouma and McGoldrick for goals
He is the highest paid player in the league
Behind Saka, Lookman and Soucek for shots
Behind Bamford, Mahrez and Cavaleiro for accuracy
Behind Neto, Bowen and Anthony βpart-timeβ Martial for touches in box
Behind Reid, Zouma and McGoldrick for goals
He is the highest paid player in the league
Havertz β 8.2 β CHE
Billed as the great creator that would transform Lampardβs rag-tag team of inconsistent hillbillies into champions elect, Kai Havertz has created just 10 chances all season.
Jack Grealish and Bruno Fernandes have created 50.
Each.
Billed as the great creator that would transform Lampardβs rag-tag team of inconsistent hillbillies into champions elect, Kai Havertz has created just 10 chances all season.
Jack Grealish and Bruno Fernandes have created 50.
Each.
Indeed, he is not even in the top 100 (ONE HUNDRED) creators so far this season.
He is behind the likes of George Baldock. Behind James McArthur. Behind Oriel Romeu. Behind Zambo Anguissa.
He is behind Luke fucking Ayling.
He is a steaming pile of shit. Upon a pile of shit.
He is behind the likes of George Baldock. Behind James McArthur. Behind Oriel Romeu. Behind Zambo Anguissa.
He is behind Luke fucking Ayling.
He is a steaming pile of shit. Upon a pile of shit.
Traore β 6.1 β WOL
Zero goals, zero assists.
You can put all the Vaseline on in the fucking world pal, but the aim of the game is to put the ball in the opposition onion sack.
Itβs not a fucking slip βn slide tournament.
Zero goals, zero assists.
You can put all the Vaseline on in the fucking world pal, but the aim of the game is to put the ball in the opposition onion sack.
Itβs not a fucking slip βn slide tournament.
Mitrovic β 5.5 β FUL
The Cottagers talisman has had a worse few months than shares in cruise ships.
He has scored 2 goals from 34 shots, with a lower conversion rate than any first choice striker in the league bar Anthony βpart-timeβ Martial.
Heβs fucking bollocks.
The Cottagers talisman has had a worse few months than shares in cruise ships.
He has scored 2 goals from 34 shots, with a lower conversion rate than any first choice striker in the league bar Anthony βpart-timeβ Martial.
Heβs fucking bollocks.
Jesus & Aguero β 9.1/10.3 β MCI
Yes there have been injuries⦠but the cold hard facts are thus. The two leading strikers of the previously most attacking side in the league have played 11 matches, for 767 minutes, and have scored 2 goals between them.
One every 6.5 hours...
Yes there have been injuries⦠but the cold hard facts are thus. The two leading strikers of the previously most attacking side in the league have played 11 matches, for 767 minutes, and have scored 2 goals between them.
One every 6.5 hours...
And people are still buying themβ¦
Will they learn? Will any of us learn? Or will we keep believing that form is something that can change on the turn of a dime?
Good luck for the rest of the season everyone.
And may 2021 be better for us all.
One Love. HM
Will they learn? Will any of us learn? Or will we keep believing that form is something that can change on the turn of a dime?
Good luck for the rest of the season everyone.
And may 2021 be better for us all.
One Love. HM
