Thread by @officialfeebee, This is long overdue, and I'd bare my soul as much as [...]

This is long overdue, and I'd bare my soul as much as I can. It's a very lengthy thread, but it's worth it. Please stick till the end
#Thread

So you know how as a believer, you tell yourself, nothing can make me doubt all that God is. Well, I say it to myself everytime "Father I'd love you no matter what", "I'd trust you even when terrible things happen", and it was this way for the longest time.

Fast forward to February this year, apparently the year started on a very high note for me, I was planning for my event, things were working good for me. So one random day, I called my mum, as usual to check on her, she sounded down... I asked "mummy are you okay?"

She was like "I don't feel too well oh, I didn't even go to work", knowing my mum and how she never misses work, I panicked a little, casually mentioned she should go to the hospital and then I declared God's word, and prayed with her

Some days later, my sister and I were called that my mum was rushed to the hospital. It was so severe that the machine could not read her sugar level. My other sister and brother kept calling to say PRAY. Omooo, I prayed.

Things kept getting intense, and then they called to give us the heartbreaking news that "one of my mum's leg had to be amputated". It felt like I was dreaming. See, my head spun, and my default response was, that's not possible. I know the God I serve, and he'd change the story

We started to pray. My family, friends. "Father we thank you for healing". Reached out to doctors I know, they said nothing can be done , amputation or we lose her. Seee, I held on to all the scriptures I knew. I bared my soul. I PRAYED. I thanked God because it was settled.

After all of that, they called and said they had scheduled the surgery, lool, omooo. I was still holding on. I believed. In all of these, my dad being the priest over our household was really shaken, but my sister and I kept sending him scriptures, praying, and encouraging him

25th of February 2020 was the date of the surgery. My sister and I flew in to Warri that same day. From the airport, straight to the hospital. I was still holding on, for any kind of miracle. When we arrived, the surgery had already been done.

We walked in, and I saw my mom, one of her legs was gone. I felt hurt, but I didn't express it. My sister broke down and started to weep. Me, I was still in denial. The story of being in the hospital till we got back to Abuja is a long one, so we'd skip it...

Got back to Abj, and that was the real challenge for me. I discovered I was mostly uninterested with any spiritual exercise. I would usually study my bible, pray as a believer. But 5 whole days had gone without me doing any of it. I was unwilling to process all the hurt I felt

I started becoming angry, and the people around me noticed, but I didn't care. I was withdrawn, uninterested, harsh. Screamed at people unprovoked and unbothered if they were hurt. People legit started to shift from me, but I still had not opened up

One fateful day, my dad left me a message on WhatsApp. Usually he'd be like "how are you baby?...", but the message sounded serious. He went on to say "call me when you get the chance to". The next day, I was about to eat...

I cooked noodles and held sleeping pills I was going to take, and I'm like, "lemme call daddy first". I called my Father, tried to sound normal and excited like we usually do. And he asked me "Phebe how are you?", I responded "I'm fine daddy"...

He asked me again "Phebe, how are you?", and immediately, I broke down. I crieedd, he told me to take deep breaths and spill. I said "I'm hurt, God hurt me, I trusted Him to heal mummy, He is capable. Why didn't he heal her?, maybe He doesn't exist, maybe He's not real". Hmmnnnn

He told me to calm down, asked why I didn't tell him about it, and said "He felt it that something was wrong with me, and asked the Holyspirit to help him deal with it wisely", so when I called, he kept thanking God because it was Him at work.

He told me he understood how I was feeling, that he was in that position, but my words of encouragement held him up. He said "Phebe, sometimes we might not understand why somethings turn out the way they do, but we do not abandon the gospel because of the challenges we face"

We opened scriptures, and we read James 1:13. I was still hurting but it was the truth. I cried some more, and we prayed. For once in a looong time I felt peace. Little by little, I started to get back in shape. In a short while, I was back on my feet, loving the Father some more

So dear believer, in those heartbreaking, painful moments, remember God's word says "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world". Also, there is NO evil in God (let this sink in). Let your decision to love and know God be eternal.

Just thought to pour my heart out, hoping it helps someone who is in a similar phase. "God is good", always and forever. Also know that this world is temporary, and we are assured of eternity, whoooaaaa, glory to God!!!, that should build hope on our inside

Finally, dear believer, I'd end this with what my daddy said "sometimes we might not understand why somethings turn out the way they do, but we do not abandon the gospel because of the challenges we face".

Oh, by the way, my mum is doing alright, encouraging people in the faith. Looove to see it
P.S: Those times I doubted the reality of God, I knew deep down, He was, is and always will be real, it was just my hurt taking the fore

Thanks for reading. Jesus loves you, receive him today, and receive life in its entirety.

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