aside from tweeting garbage, I've been doing some studies again with a week off work, and I realized haven't been actually doing studies- I've just been drawing from reference in a half-focused way hoping to just softly ingest quality as if it's a matter of fact that I'll improve

And sure, I may slightly improve at something- But studying effectively really does require intention and patience- knowing what it is specifically you're trying to improve at, and being precise in your demands for yourself. Did you really learn something concrete?

But sometimes I oscillate rapidly between the modes of "I need art to be fun right now" and "I need to be patient and challenge myself". You can sometimes do both, but there are probably times where you will need to exercise more patience and focus and not feel as gratified-

This doesn't mean you have to brutalize yourself and say "I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK"- almost the opposite! you have to be very caring and patient with yourself, and understand that you are building a structure slowly over time. But god damn that is such a fragile balancing act.

This is a giant ramble tbh but what I'm trying to say is:

It's hard to strike the balance of "making art is fun but I also want to challenge myself to improve". Lean too academic for yourself, you may burn out. Lean too fun, you may become frustrated with lack of improvement.

One way to balance "academic" with "fun" is to make studying personal.

Either doing personal work that you reinforce with ref, or start with ref and make it into a "piece". Having either a concrete goal or a concrete starting point help you study w\\ intent and context.

(fan art is great for this too- takes the burden of invention off of you, which is honestly a huge paralysis factor for a lot of folks)