I had a laugh this morning that there were ppl who found it surprising I spoke candidly about sex as it relates to my health at the moment.

Like, did you miss when I wrote an entire thread telling the whole internet l I use incontinence products?

But jokes aside, let’s talk.

A lot of people who have only identified with majority cultures (white, straight, cisgender, abled, etc) interpret candid sharing as “attention seeking” behavior. But there’s a reason for that:

Majority cultures are already seen & understood in public awareness, so the only gain they can really see in candidly sharing things that are usually private is the individual attention it brings to the person “putting their private business on blast”

But here’s the thing...

When you are part of a minority culture, one that lacks meaningful & accurate representation in society? ESPECIALLY when it’s a marginalized identity that faces discrimination because people just can’t see *themselves* in us, so they don’t recognize our full humanity?

Then sharing candidly isn’t about individual attention. It’s about creating cultural awareness. It’s about corrections misperceptions. It’s about filling huge information gaps in people’s knowledge about who we are, how we live, and what we need to be fully included in society.

Even people who consider themselves “allies” often fall into this trap of agreeing that “representation matters,” but then judging people who talking too candidly about certain topics as being “attention seekers” or “lacking boundaries.”

The reality is that creating social rules about which topics are taboo and which are for public consumption is an act of privilege. You don’t *need* to talk about certain things, because the awareness is already built in naturally from shared majority culture.

But it’s those very social boundaries about what should/shouldn’t be shared in public that allow majority cultures to remain totally oblivious to the differing needs, experiences, and realities of people outside the perceived norm. It fuels discrimination and exclusion.

I would challenge people who say “representation matters” to consider why they so often mean FICTIONAL representation in movies, books, etc but not real life people sharing candidly about their real life experiences that differ from the perceived norms?

Real example:

Why did ppl find it easier to celebrate a movie about a bunch of disabled guys trying to road trip to a brothel to have sex as an example of “representation” for disabled sexuality...

...than actual #disabled ppl speaking candidly about our own sex lives?

And if you find yourself saying “well actually I just don’t find EITHER example necessary because some things should be private?” Then I would remind you again that majority culture *already* has awareness and understanding of sexuality in their shared cultural context.

When you’re part of majority culture , keeping the details of your own personal experiences of sexuality private doesn’t create a gap in information that other people fill with harmful misassumptions. People know how it works in majority culture whether you talk about it or not.

And sexuality is just one of many examples, it just happens to be the one that came up last night. There are lots of socially taboo topics this applies to.

Look at the way survivors are labeled “attention seekers” when they speak candidly about sexual assault?
When women share candidly about miscarriage?
When trans men share candidly about menstruation?
The list could go on.

The next time you are tempted to label someone as “attention seeking” for something they shared publicly, ask yourself:

Is the reason I perceive this topic as inappropriate for public sharing b/c I enjoy the automatic representation that comes from being the majority culture?

If #disabled people are never allowed to speak candidly about the ways sexuality for us differs from the majority culture, we cant have the representation it takes to be known and understood - which means we can’t have full inclusion in society.