Honestly, just lock it all down for January. Pay everyone to stay home, it’s our money anyway. Call it “lockdown to help shutdown” or something, because the UK only responds to stupid rhyming shit. It’s cold, nobody likes January, we’re all broke anyway, lock us in and pay up.

We’ve had a year of this slow response and ignoring the science. We could have got ahead of it. But Johnson can’t do anything that might cause a bad newspaper headline, and he’s surrounded by idiots. Just shut it down, we’re dying here.

I know keeping schools closed is bad for kids’ education, but you know what’s worse? Being dead. Being dead can affect them for years, sometimes they can stay dead well into adult life.