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I don't normally tweet about stuff that's on my mind, but something's been bothering me recently and I need to get it off my chest. Apologies if this comes across as preachy, and I wouldn't be surprised if I lost a fair few followers, but here we go. (1/20)
I can’t understand why - just WHY - anyone would ever eat Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans. (2/20)
The health risks so greatly outweigh the potential benefits, to the extent that the company’s very existence is baffling. (3/20)
The product’s name promises that the beans could be any (ANY) flavour. Crucially, every individual thing in the world has a flavour. (4/20)
The vast majority of things in the world are not delicious food. (5/20)
Just think about it for a moment. I really can’t stress this enough. The VAST majority of flavours in the world are not delicious. (6/20)
Even if you got something edible, the chances of it being the flavour of a meal are hilariously small. (7/20)
You’d most likely get a basic root vegetable, or anything else that’s considered food in its most basic form. (8/20)
In fact, you’re probably likely to get pure sodium, or dextrin, or palm kernel oil or whatever the hell goes into processed foods. (9/20)
In one of the novels, it’s mentioned that beef casserole is one of the flavours. Beef casserole has a number of ingredients, which means there's the potential for an unlimited number of combinations of flavours within each bean. (10/20)
Statistically, if you had roughly 10 different flavours in any bean, you would just never get something like beef casserole. (11/20)
Sure, you might get something 'similar' to beef casserole, but it could additionally have the extra flavour of glass or bones. (12/20)
Sorry do you have any idea what I'm talking about right now (13/20)
In the first Harry Potter novel, Dumbledore eats one that turns out to be earwax, which is quite the revelation, because it means human material is not exempt from Mr Bott’s 'wacky' flavours. (14/20)
You’re essentially just as likely to get stomach acid or dick as a flavour, as you are to get chicken jalfrezi. (15/20)
It’s just stupid. (16/20)
It’s so much easier to just buy normal food. I just feel like sometimes the wizards use magic for the sake of it. (17/20)
With a completely different set of rules to muggle life, Mr Bott isn’t subject to the reasonable laws of the Food Standards Agency. (18/20)
Even though he can do WHATEVER he likes with his food, surely it’s easy for him to just remove things like ‘dog turd’ as a flavour. But he doesn't, the insane bastard. (19/20)
I'd be keen to see the statistics on how many innocents have died at the hands of these sweets, but to be honest? They don't have my sympathies. If you eat Mr Bott's beans, you’ve got a death wish, mate. It's a mug's game. (20/20)
