During and after my #autism assessment I discovered a whole myriad of things about me that were actually connected with being #autistic. One of these was needing time to think. It’s to do with cognitive processing and executive function. I’d just thought I was an introvert.
1/

I was fortunate to be a schoolchild in the 1960s and 1970s when teachers insisted that we were quiet a lot of the time. In noisy indoor spaces filled with multi-layered conversations I often can’t hear myself think. We even had periods of complete silence in class. Heavenly!
2/

My need for time to think is very strong when it comes to answering questions. At school there was nothing worse than being put on the spot when I hadn’t finished thinking. I frequently lost the thread in maths if the teacher moved on while I was still working out the problem.
3/

University teaching was easier for me. If I couldn’t keep up with lectures I borrowed someone else’s notes. English Literature seminars were quite slow and reflective. I had few timetabled hours, so most of my studying was done alone, with plenty of time and space to think.
4/

When my career began in the 1980s there was more personal space at work than there is now. Individual offices were common, and if we had to share we were some distance apart. Hushed voices were the norm. No background music. No mobile phones. I found calm good for thinking.
5/

This started to change with increasing pressure on office accommodation. Sharing became the norm. Extra people got squeezed in. For some of us crowded, open plan working conditions had a devastating impact on sensory issues, concentration and our ability to think properly.
6/

In some settings instead of having a designated work station we had to search for hot desks. The lack of a predictable working environment created additional distractions and compromised deep thinking. Not only did I need time to think I also needed the right sort of space.
7/

I’m not sure whether the world got noisier or I became more sensitive as time went by. Shops, offices, pubs, restaurants, trains often cause me auditory distress. During lockdown I’ve lived so quietly noises seem louder. They take over bits of my brain I need to think with.
8/

I’ve always preferred having time to think before answering questions. Whether it’s choosing a meal in a restaurant, or coming up with ideas in a business meeting, the response I blurt out under pressure may not reflect what I really think. I need time to organise my thoughts.
9/

After my big burnout, before my autism assessment, my cognitive processing speed slowed right down. I became indecisive and lacked confidence, even with things I knew. Since stopping work recently my brain has speeded up again. I think most clearly when I’m least stressed.
10/

A productive way I found to take part in group discussions was in a university iLab. Networked laptops had special software installed. Preloaded questions allowed threads of ideas to develop. Contributions made via keyboards. Time to think but no need to wait to have input.
11/

Something else relating to time to think is fear of saying the wrong thing. If I communicate spontaneously there’s an increased risk of being misconstrued. This can result in overthinking things to the point where I become so paralysed by anxiety I don’t say anything at all.
12/