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I want to make something very clear that I think a lot of men don’t understand. There is only one kind of consent and that is ENTHUSIASTIC consent. There are a lot of us who will quietly consent to avoid being forced to do something, which is much more unpleasant. (...)
So say you ask a provider “can I suck on your toes?” and she says “yes”, but quietly, without smiling: this is not consent. This is a trauma response designed to protect herself from what might happen if she says no. I’d much rather “consent” to do something I don’t really (...)
want to do, than be physically forced into doing it or physically or verbally punished for not wanting to do it. This is the reality of the power dynamics of the sex women have with men. This might shock, confuse, anger, or even annoy you. Because how can you get consent in (...)
a world where women are so afraid we feel like we have to PRETEND to consent even when we don’t want to? The answer is actually super simple! There are 2 ways I like to go about getting 
enthusiastic consent (...)
enthusiastic consent (...)
1. Ask “do you like x”? Signs to look for: eye contact, a genuine smile, a straight answer. If she says “only if you don’t [y]” that’s not consent. If she looks down and says “ok” that is not consent.
2. Ask “would you like to do [x], [y], or something else?” (...)
2. Ask “would you like to do [x], [y], or something else?” (...)
This gives her choices. She can pick one of the things you have in mind, or suggest her own thing.
NB: When it comes to BDSM, all of this has to be negotiated BEFORE AND during the session. Don’t spring some kink on a partner or provider in the middle of a session! (...)
NB: When it comes to BDSM, all of this has to be negotiated BEFORE AND during the session. Don’t spring some kink on a partner or provider in the middle of a session! (...)
Another note: just because she has consented to do it before does not mean that consent is eternal. Ask every damn time until she says “you don’t have to ask me that anymore”. Asking consent is sexier than not having it. I promise! (...)
PS. This is a very heteronormative/ gendered thread. That’s because the issue I want to talk about is the power imbalance between men and women. It can all be applied the other way around and to any gender, but the audience I am trying to reach with this thread is straight men.