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at the risk of being accused of being prescriptive, the cool thing about having sex with a lot of people is getting to see a wide variety of bodies in sexual and non-sexual situations. it has informed my understanding of so many things, especially so-called "genital preference"
and that's the cool thing about gay sex. without (or with fewer, at least) scripts about what sex "is" and who is "supposed" to do what, giving another person pleasure is much less about "cocks do this" and "clits need that" and is actually unique to the person and situation
when we interrogate genital preference, we start asking questions like "is your preference functional, aesthetic, or both?" omitting the existence of intersex and trans people, if you prefer penises to vulvas, you might wonder: what does a penis do that dildos and fingers can't?
if you prefer vulvas, is it because of something they offer that penises don't, or is it that penises themselves are to be avoided (this is the terf talking point, but it can't possibly be everyone's, can it?)
the question of "penis or vagina" reduces fucking to PIV sexual intercourse. what about assholes! what about mouths! what about fingers! what about handies! what about other things!
when I read Stone Butch Blues for the first time, I was so challenged by Jes "concealing" their trans status from a cis woman, who they have sex with with a dildo that she thinks is attached to their body. It makes me so sad to think back on that mindset—
that maybe just by having sex with a cis woman I could be raping her by not disclosing my status. that same mindset is how trans masculine people in the UK are criminalized for having sex with cis women to this very day
but i was able to move past it by interrogating my own understanding of what constituted sex, safety, honesty, desire, and the body. i know people whose dildo is THEIR COCK. how could them using it on someone in a consensual scenario be anything but natural?
when i hear cis people say they have a genital preference, i don't think that they don't actually have a preference. i just think that they think about sex as something they do to someone else or something they have done to them.
like is this fucking to you? is this lovemaking? okay, i guess. hard to imagine any connection in that scenario but that's on you. there's way more interesting things to be found at the hardware store
and it's sad and pathetic when cis gay people adopt this mindset. you could have broken free from straightness but then you just... didn't.
