We carry with us the PLACES that we have LIVED - I mean actually LIVED - and we leave a part of ourselves in those environs when we LEAVE. I never returned to Los Angeles after my last visit there at age 21 - somehow it only BELONGED to my early life. Part of me I am leaving...

in CHICAGO - as I return there (briefly) in coming days to tie up any LOOSE Ends, spend time with my Father, things of this nature. Since I arrived in MARYLAND, I do NOT really have NIGHTMARES anymore - the ADDICT'S ''stigmata'' on my hands (where for YEARS I injected poison)...

has faded beyond VISIBILITY. I gifted the WOMAN I LOVE my late BROTHER'S Cross that I would carry in my breast pocket as I tried to survive the STREET - she now WEARS it all the time and my BROTHER no longer haunts my dreams nor my WAKING visionary thoughts. I cannot REALLY...

see the face any longer of the first GIRL I LOVED - and whom I buried 23 years ago (almost to the DAY). WTF is my point? I stated before that as one ages, as our QUESTS and the pathways we select causes the men and women, girls and boys whom we were to literally ''DIE'' -

this is underway NOW - I am still ''ME'' - the better aspects of my nature will remain INTACT - the core of my BEING (FIRE AND ICE) shall NOT be altered...but the BOY and MAN whom I was in CHICAGO for all those decades is ceasing to exist before my eyes....

I shall NOT mourn him - NOT because I ever HATED him (he kept me alive so that I could be here with all of these people whom love me dearly, and most of all with my WOMAN) but he was a very SAD, very tortured individual. I believe HE is very HAPPY and RELIEVED to be allowed to go