i always feel sad when a friend says they are close to relapsing and i want to encourage them to keep going and not enable but if the options are you are going to use alone with untested drugs somewhere unsafe or you come to me & i test your shit & look out for you, i choose that

i worry sometimes when i see a friend tweet about being close to relapsing &all the replies are “stay strong,” that if they do relapse they will feel like they can’t tell anyone or if they reach out for help everyone will be so focused on saying “don’t do it” they’ll just hide it

relapsing is the most dangerous time and is when a lot (maybe most?) fatal OD’s happen & i don’t want people to have to hide it and make that danger even higher. especially with the fentanyl crisis it just really worries me. relapsing is not the end of the world but an OD can be

i don’t always know exactly what the right thing to say is and i absolutely believe that you can get through those dark moments and stay sober and i want that for my friends bc they want it & i believe in them. but i know it’s not up to me what they are gonna do

so if you are ever in a place where you are going to use regardless and you need someone who will not judge you, i want you to know that i will do that. i will test your drugs, stay with you, text to check on you, check your location, whatever you need, & not make you feel bad

i will be chill and normal and not make you feel guilty or weird. and whenever you are ready to stop using again, i will be behind you 100%, never drink around you, whatever you need. it’s not my place to tell you what to do, just to make you feel as safe and loved as i can.

the linear pass or fail model of sobriety really worries me bc i see how defeating it feels for people and i don’t think if you use once your years of work go out the window. all that still means something and it means you can do it again. you are not a failure

sometimes we get so focused on stopping these damaging coping mechanisms that we fail to see that the ultimate goal is staying alive. if today is so bad that you cut yourself or drank but that was the difference between killing yourself or not then you did not fail.

you have gotten this far which means you DO get through the worst life has thrown at you. you’ve kept yourself alive, you have not failed, you’ve used your best option every day even though sometimes the best option sucked. bc you made it, there can be a better option tomorrow.

so if you’ve fallen back on a destructive coping mechanism, i just want to help you reduce the harm so you can live to tomorrow and make you feel safe and loved so days ahead will be better and you’ll be able to get on the path you want to be on

if you’re reading this and don’t know me or have anyone in your life to say it, please know that you are not a failure and you’re not weak and you deserve love, not judgment. there really are no steps back bc everything can be learned from and built on