Thread by @QueenTao1, Exactly a year ago I remember sending this pic to my cousin [...]

Exactly a year ago I remember sending this pic to my cousin who was in kabwe around 01 something ,asking her to make sure they use this pic for my burial program because it was my favorite pic..I told her to tell my mum that I loved her and to forgive me for leaving her all alone

In this world,to tell my mum that I was sorry for not saying goodbye in person and that it wasn't her fault at all...after I sent those texts on whatsapp I went outside and sat by the stairs with a cup of water and a combination of different drugs I had accumulated over a period

Of close to a year,I was ready to end it all and the voices in my head were about to finally win.i remember crying and feeling some type of dark feeling which kept on pushing me to just end it all, promising comfort on the other side of not living, seducing me with promises of a

Life without pain,heart ache, feelings of worthlessness, failure and so many things that I could finally escape from..the deal to end it all looked soo attractive such that I almost took it...I remember crying and putting the pills on my palm and dear God they were a lot

The voices kept on encouraging me, whispering their promises of nothingness on the other side ( this is where most people give in cause trust me when that spirit of death engulfs you, it's like a feeling you've never felt before,imagine comfort, luxury,peace, freedom etc and all

The things you've ever wanted I life and if you're not strong enough you can give in) I remember crying and my phone rang,it was one of my friends..I ignored it but he called again and I remember I was upset cause I knew he didn't care and would do nothing for me,when he called

The 3rd time I picked up the call and I remember I couldn't talk cause I was crying,the first question he asked me was "where are you?",I once got tipsy and told him about my mental health issuess so he knew,he talked to me for a good hour over the phone and asked me if I needed

Him to come pick me up,but I said no cause I was tired...we talked and after a while I felt better cause it was the first time that I fully talked to someone without feeling embarrassed and ashamed of my mental illness,in the past I tried counselling while I was in college but it

Never helped cause I felt pressured to open up and that never works...after talking to him he made me promise him to meet him later in the day and to get some rest,I remember him telling me to say out loud the promise I had made him and I did... after the phone call ended

I went back inside and slept...a few hours later we met up and talked and since that day he's the person I talk to and confide in cause I never feel judged...I found that person and I'm so blessed to have him in my life

...the same day I threw those pills in the toilet and

Flushed them...it didn't mean it ended there,I still had moments where it became too much to handle and I'd slip back into my old habits and I just can't do normal everyday things like every other person, it usually in such moments where I stand up from the bed and do something

Something that makes me feel ike a human and reminds me that I'm still alive and capable of doing something and it's on those days that I fight back and try to be better and stronger than before.its not EASY, it's hard, draining and in other cases painful but but it's doable

In the past I used to turn to alcohol,drugs and meaningless flings just to escape and feel wanted but those never helped me in anyway...It's been 8 months since I last cut,It's been 7 months since I last thought of suicide,It's been 7 weeks since I last had a good cry cause it

Life and it's own issues got to me,after crying I got up and tried to do things better and be positive...
I'm not saying the way I handle things is the most effective way but all I wanna say is that find something or someone that will help you to get back up a little bit stronger

After each fall, you're human, you're allowed moments of weakness when it all becomes too much to handle but when you're down don't stay down,get back up and fight for the person whose come this far and survived a lot just to come and give up now... you're a warrior

YOU'RE A FIGHTER, YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN GOLD, YOU'RE IMPORTANT,YOU MATTER, YOU'RE A CHAMPION,AN ACHIEVER, SOMEONE'S INSPIRATION, YOU'RE LOVED, YOU'RE NEEDED, YOU'RE AMAZING, YOU'RE HIGHLY FAVOURED, YOU'RE NOT A WORST OF SPACE, YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE

Don't listen to your thoughts during your weakest moments or the voices, they're lying to you...Stand up and the face the person in the mirror, remember how far you've come and what you've passed through and yet you survived all that and are still here...

FIGHT A LITTLE LONGER MY FRIEND, IT'S ALL WORTH IT IN THE END

I'm not saying I'm healed or perfect,I'm still here fighting and if I've done it and I'm still doing it...you can also do it

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