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CW sexual violence, rape
I’ve spent much of my life and career navigating the myth of “gray rape.” The fact is, ANY unwanted sexual experience can cause trauma—even when it’s not flashy enough to be the plot of an SVU episode. 1/
I’ve spent much of my life and career navigating the myth of “gray rape.” The fact is, ANY unwanted sexual experience can cause trauma—even when it’s not flashy enough to be the plot of an SVU episode. 1/
CW sexual violence, rape
When I say, “rape,” what is the scene that appears in your mind’s eye? Where is it? What does the victim look like? What does the rapist look like? What are they saying? 2/
When I say, “rape,” what is the scene that appears in your mind’s eye? Where is it? What does the victim look like? What does the rapist look like? What are they saying? 2/
CW sexual violence, rape
I won’t ask you to publicly share what you pictured. Just know that if it was of a young-ish white cishet woman victim, a faceless (perhaps due to ski mask) hulking cishet man rapist, if they’re in a dark alley, if she’s wearing a short skirt and 3/
I won’t ask you to publicly share what you pictured. Just know that if it was of a young-ish white cishet woman victim, a faceless (perhaps due to ski mask) hulking cishet man rapist, if they’re in a dark alley, if she’s wearing a short skirt and 3/
CW sexual violence, rape
he has a weapon...it’s time to challenge some internalized biases.
That’s not to say rape never looks like that. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t have heard those stories and have that picture in your head. 4/
he has a weapon...it’s time to challenge some internalized biases.
That’s not to say rape never looks like that. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t have heard those stories and have that picture in your head. 4/
CW sexual violence, rape
But the vast majority of the time, rape doesn’t look like that. And if your mental picture of rape doesn’t always match a person’s experience, you are much more likely to dismiss, demean, and risk retraumatizing victims. 5/
But the vast majority of the time, rape doesn’t look like that. And if your mental picture of rape doesn’t always match a person’s experience, you are much more likely to dismiss, demean, and risk retraumatizing victims. 5/
CW sexual violence, rape
Just because someone’s trauma doesn’t look the way YOU think it should look does not mean they have not been traumatized. There is so little that we know about the body, brain, & resilience. One person’s tragedy is another person’s kinda bad day. 6/
Just because someone’s trauma doesn’t look the way YOU think it should look does not mean they have not been traumatized. There is so little that we know about the body, brain, & resilience. One person’s tragedy is another person’s kinda bad day. 6/
CW sexual violence, rape
And vice versa. As a therapist, some of the most challenging clients I’ve worked with are the ones who minimized their trauma to themselves because the way they were traumatized didn’t look like that stranger with a knife in an alley. 7/
And vice versa. As a therapist, some of the most challenging clients I’ve worked with are the ones who minimized their trauma to themselves because the way they were traumatized didn’t look like that stranger with a knife in an alley. 7/
CW sexual violence, rape
They beat themselves up for having the reaction they do because it “wasn’t that bad.” But they still feel the effects of a violating experience—anxiety, difficulty trusting/feeling safe, trouble sleeping, whatever. And as their therapist, 8/
They beat themselves up for having the reaction they do because it “wasn’t that bad.” But they still feel the effects of a violating experience—anxiety, difficulty trusting/feeling safe, trouble sleeping, whatever. And as their therapist, 8/
CW sexual violence, rape
it’s not my job to make them call it rape. My job is to help them make sense of themselves and their experience so they can live more healthfully. 9/
it’s not my job to make them call it rape. My job is to help them make sense of themselves and their experience so they can live more healthfully. 9/
CW sexual violence, rape
But I wonder if we called these sexually violent things what they are—would that help survivors? Would it give victims permission to acknowledge that trauma and heal from it without fear of being told, “Well, but it wasn’t really THAT bad.” 10/
But I wonder if we called these sexually violent things what they are—would that help survivors? Would it give victims permission to acknowledge that trauma and heal from it without fear of being told, “Well, but it wasn’t really THAT bad.” 10/
CW sexual violence, rape
A few days ago, I tweeted about the sexual violence in Bridgertons based on certain reviews. I tried to be as neutral as possible so that the people who needed the warning could get it, and the people who didn’t need a warning could enjoy their show. 11/
A few days ago, I tweeted about the sexual violence in Bridgertons based on certain reviews. I tried to be as neutral as possible so that the people who needed the warning could get it, and the people who didn’t need a warning could enjoy their show. 11/
CW sexual violence, rape
Over the next few days, I watched as Twitter devolved into fights over whether or not Bridgertons depicts rape (it does), whether a Black man can be raped (he can), if a man lying to his wife means he deserved what 12/
Over the next few days, I watched as Twitter devolved into fights over whether or not Bridgertons depicts rape (it does), whether a Black man can be raped (he can), if a man lying to his wife means he deserved what 12/
CW sexual violence, rape
what he got (he didn’t), or if a woman’s ignorance of biology gives her permission to violate her husband’s established personal boundaries (it doesn’t). I watched people reply to commenters on my post, “it’s not rape! Shut up and watch it!” 13/
what he got (he didn’t), or if a woman’s ignorance of biology gives her permission to violate her husband’s established personal boundaries (it doesn’t). I watched people reply to commenters on my post, “it’s not rape! Shut up and watch it!” 13/
CW sexual violence, rape
And over on the sidelines, many survivors watched as countless people told them, “what happened to this character, and therefore you, isn’t rape. It’s not that bad. He/you deserved it. He/you could have stopped it. Get over yourself.” 14/
And over on the sidelines, many survivors watched as countless people told them, “what happened to this character, and therefore you, isn’t rape. It’s not that bad. He/you deserved it. He/you could have stopped it. Get over yourself.” 14/
CW sexual violence, rape
And then something happened that happens all too often: victims became quiet. They stopped saying anything. They took social media breaks because it’s impossible to avoid seeing/hearing those people. They were triggered, and they were silenced. 15/
And then something happened that happens all too often: victims became quiet. They stopped saying anything. They took social media breaks because it’s impossible to avoid seeing/hearing those people. They were triggered, and they were silenced. 15/
CW sexual violence, rape
That’s on you, rape apologists. You could have said, “I wasn’t triggered, but I hear some people might be, if you decide to watch send me your thoughts!” And gone about your day. How simple would that have been? 16/
That’s on you, rape apologists. You could have said, “I wasn’t triggered, but I hear some people might be, if you decide to watch send me your thoughts!” And gone about your day. How simple would that have been? 16/
CW sexual violence, rape
When I started drafting this thread it looked a lot different. But I’m emo about this. I’m mad, and I’m hurt as both a survivor and an advocate. So many people have shown their asses over the last few days. 17/
When I started drafting this thread it looked a lot different. But I’m emo about this. I’m mad, and I’m hurt as both a survivor and an advocate. So many people have shown their asses over the last few days. 17/
CW sexual violence, rape
I want to thank my friends that watched Bridgertons and took time to discuss what they saw with me, without shaming me or other survivors. Thank you to the people who passed the CW on to their friends before they watched. Thank you to the people of 18/
I want to thank my friends that watched Bridgertons and took time to discuss what they saw with me, without shaming me or other survivors. Thank you to the people who passed the CW on to their friends before they watched. Thank you to the people of 18/
CW sexual violence, rape
this community who stood up for victims and took on the apologists when we didn’t have the spoons to do it ourselves. We see you and we’re grateful. I can only hope people are learning...but in the meantime, blocking is self-care. ///
this community who stood up for victims and took on the apologists when we didn’t have the spoons to do it ourselves. We see you and we’re grateful. I can only hope people are learning...but in the meantime, blocking is self-care. ///
