In therapy today, we talked about chronic illness anxiety. I find that it is so hard to rest without feeling guilty because I never know how I’ll feel tomorrow or next week. Should I be using the energy I have right now to meal prep in case I can’t cook tomorrow, or

would spending this energy right now be a bad idea and make me feel worse? Will it be better if I give in to my fatigue and sleep, or am I making myself more tired by lying down too much? Every second I am paralyzed by anticipatory anxiety because if I make the wrong decision

now I might regret it later. Because of that, I struggle with guilt when I rest and am not “being productive.” My therapist recommended I reconsider my definition of the word “productive.” Perhaps productivity is anything I do that contributes to my wellbeing.

This mental shift is going to take some thought and some time, but I really do want to be kinder to myself. I work so hard caring for this chronically ill body that does so much for me. I need myself to know that being fed and hydrated and medicated is enough.