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Thoughts about this one, so... a thread.
I have had to leave a lot of toxic people behind. It took forever to leave because when I tried, I missed the intensity of people who seemed to understand Everything, who made life All Or Nothing. https://twitter.com/aureusvixen/status/1343625770321657856
I have had to leave a lot of toxic people behind. It took forever to leave because when I tried, I missed the intensity of people who seemed to understand Everything, who made life All Or Nothing. https://twitter.com/aureusvixen/status/1343625770321657856
Toxic people-- for me-- always show up with this extremely intense attachment. A willingness to be everything I want, to love everything I love, and then eventually criticism and anger when I don't take the same shape as their interests and opinions.
I realized that level of symmetry isn't normal. It isn't healthy. It's fine to have common interests. But a relationship, whether romantic or not, should never be about fitting into one another like nested spoons. People never WILL fit together like that. We're all different.
I thought what I was looking for was community, people who accepted me, but acceptance doesn't look like seeing yourself in a mirror. I realized I had been looking for the things I liked about myself, but told myself I wasn't allowed to like.
These toxic relationships were people reflecting me back to myself and wanting to see themselves reflected back to them. I was looking for myself the entire time. And if I was looking for myself, how could being by myself truly be lonely?
Nobody is incomplete. Nobody can provide IN YOU something you don't already embody. You're whole already. Sharing feels wonderful, and social connection is important! But ultimately only you can be you. That's a great gift.
All-or-nothing statements like "But nobody likes me" or "I'll never have friends" aren't true. Absolutes don't apply to real life. Somebody likes you. You'll have friends someday. You might not have the intensity of being friends with another you. But that's okay.
If you want to embody certain values-- kindness, honesty, creativity-- by all means work on them. We are all constantly evolving. But nobody can give you those traits, or take them from you, by virtue of that person's presence in your life. YOU are you. And that's wonderful. /END
