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cw: im depressed af yay 
1\\ my therapist from the times before cracking was always fond of calling things i couldnt change "furniture in the room". this was his goto whenever we got to a point of "but i dont want to live this anxious, i dont want to fight this all the time"
1\\ my therapist from the times before cracking was always fond of calling things i couldnt change "furniture in the room". this was his goto whenever we got to a point of "but i dont want to live this anxious, i dont want to fight this all the time"
2\\ this "tool" worked sometimes, sometimes it would let me manage a day that i felt completely defeted and incapable, like a bit of a handle to grab and shove forward from
but it never fixed anything, and my real exhaustion came from having to have this battle over and over
but it never fixed anything, and my real exhaustion came from having to have this battle over and over
3\\ it did another thing though, i realize; it continued pushing me in the direction of accepting what i should never accept, from others and from myself, and i was on the hook for processing and dealing with it myself
4\\ it kept everything squarely on my shoulders, trauma, my egg layers that were all about sacrificing any corner of happiness to feel just kinda seen and not hated
last night i got angry at the furniture. im fucking tired of designing around it, of it getting to be the focus
last night i got angry at the furniture. im fucking tired of designing around it, of it getting to be the focus
5\\ i dont want a life of making up for things i hate, i dont want a life of living with my anxiety and depression and self loathing, decorating it to make it more palatable
the tool is broken dr. Jason. i need new furnitiure
the tool is broken dr. Jason. i need new furnitiure
