When a person says or does something homophobic to me with the understanding that I have different sexual ethics than I do, I am presented with an opportunity to correct the misunderstanding in order to redirect the homophobia.

But there are a few things wrong with this approach:

Firstly, even clarifying my sexual ethics will not protect me or make me acceptable to some people. Homophobia does not actually care about sexual ethics. Homophobia just hates.

It is a sad reality in the Church that much of what is called sexual ethics for Queer people is actually just homophobia, disguised by flowery religious language. Sure, not all! But much.

Secondly, what exactly do I gain by redirecting homophobia like this? If I clarify my sexual ethics and the person retracts their words or changes their behavior on that basis, rather than on the basis of my inherent dignity, what is their love worth? Their character?

But thirdly, and most importantly, clarifying my sexual ethics to redirect homophobia may lead the one perpetuating homophobia to believe that their words or actions are acceptable under certain circumstances.

They may walk away thinking it is okay to speak and act this way toward someone if they live or believe differently than I do. But this is not true! Homophobia is never acceptable, not matter how a person lives or what they believe.

There is a kind of basic human solidarity that should prevent me from merely redirecting the hatred I receive toward others.

And there is an additional solidarity among my people—Queer people—across the spectrum of belief.

And there is another unique solidarity among my people—the body of Christ—which should push me to confront any hateful speech or behavior that would tear it apart.

I am by no means perfect at this, but I hope, by God’s grace, to grow in this solidarity and courage.