I appreciate the freedom that sex work has afforded me. Stripping has taken care of me for the past 7 years, but because of it, I've been sexually assaulted more times than I could ever count and I have so much trauma that I don't know where to begin. It's empowering but it isn't
Like the nights I've been stuck in a mental black hole freaking out that I'm not skinny or my tits aren't big enough. Having a job that relies heavily on my look and my 'miss congenitality' vibes drains my SOUL. I'm 32, i just want some time to be fat and wear pants but pandemic
But I know I'd hate life infinitely more if I were still in hospitality or retail. Can't imagine getting fucked over for min wage while a pandemic pushes customers out of their minds? People unloading their rage on retail workers just trying to get through the day? I'd end myself
I can't take the amount of angry confrontation retail/hospitality requires, and I'm robotic and weird when it comes to processing my own emotions, let alone some enraged customer freaking out. At least with dancing, I'm just required 3 nights and I control the interactions.
So in all, dancing= complex, and I have complex emotions regarding it that are not fully fleshed out, but I did make buttery biscuits after all.