Thread:

Today is the feast of the Most Holy Family. Though veneration of the Holy Family is a few centuries old, the formal addition of the feast to the Catholic liturgical calendar only happened in 1921, under the Papacy of Benedict XV. /1

Pope Benedict XV, known as "the Pope of peace" for his humanitarian efforts during World War I (four of his encyclicals address this, including two specifically addressing the hardships of war orphans / children) may have seen an immediate relevance of this feast to his times. /2

Indeed, it is often said that "as the family goes, so does the world"; and this gentle Pope may have seen in the Holy Family a safe haven and refuge for Christian families affected in one way or the other by the horrors of the "Great War". /3

The Holy Family is often held up to us as an ideal of perfect familial love and devotion; and so it is. However, there are some who find this focus jarring for the following reason: /4

We live in a world where an estimated ~75% of children experience some form of severe familial conflict or adversity, and where civil divorce has become commonplace. /5

Though it is a cliché to blame this on "feminism" and "the sexual revolution", these are simply late symptoms of a process of deterioration dating back to Luther and Henry VIII, and running through classical liberalism and the Industrial Revolution. /6

The loss of the sacramental character of marriage in Christendom has done tremendous harm, which has to be understood historically and not simply blamed on "gay marriage" or "women's liberation"; to do so would be to confuse the disease with its signs. /7

Though a complete analysis of this phenomenon is beyond my abilities, it is clear that it has led to a disconnect between the ideal of the Holy Family and the realities we see around us. /8

Few of us (at least in the developed or "Westernized" world) have emerged from this unscathed; all of us know of broken families; some of us were raised in them; others may even be living through such trials or tragedies themselves. /9

And, as science tells us, "intergenerational transmission of attachment" is a real phenomenon; our own early life experiences of an insecure family situation leave their scars, even if we are not predestined to repeat parental errors. /10

For Christians, this is worrying because the family is where we first learn the faith, the "domestic church"; moreover, our creed teaches us to think of God as Father and Mary as Mother. If our bonds to our earthly parents are tenuous, the spiritual ones are in peril too. /11

Adding to this are the many societal forces inimical to family security.
Legally, we are told that marriage is dissoluble and impermanent, even for seemingly trivial reasons. /12

Economically, many fathers are not paid "just wages"; women face difficulties in balancing work and family; parental leave is seen as a privilege; and a contraceptive mentality, rather than one friendly fo families, prevails among employers and governments. /13

Culturally, the easy availability of pornography and the hyper-sexualized nature of entertainment, advertising and fashion often compromise the purity of married life, or of young people wishing to start a family. /14

Even in more "traditional" societies, the situation is not rosy: poverty, unemployment, poor access to maternal and child health care, and a culture of silence surrounding domestic violence and sexual abuse make a mockery of the idealized pictures sometimes painted of them. /15

In this bleak scenario, it behooves us to turn once more to the Holy Family, but not through simple platitudes such as "be more Marylike" or "take Joseph as a model"; though well-meant, such suggestions are often shallow and dismissive. /16

Let us remember that the Holy Family suffered from many of thesw hardships. They were not wealthy, as evidenced by the offering they make in Lk. 2 and attested by the Church Fathers. /17

After the miraculous conception of Jesus in Lk. 1:26ff, we learn that when Joseph found out that Mary was with child, he resolved to "put her away" quietly; one can only imagine the anguish they both went through. /18

Of the hard journey to Bethlehem and the birth of Jesus in a stable, enough has been said in this season (); but we cannot forget the flight into Egypt from Herod's murderous rage, or the prophecy of Simon that a sword would pierce Mary's heart. /19

We can also call to mind the death of Joseph before the public ministry of Jesus; the rejections and threats Jesus faced during his preaching, culminating in the Passion of our Lord, to which Mary was fully united in sorrow. /20

Seen from this standpoint, the false, "idealized" Hallmark Card picture of the Holy Family as a happy suburban nuclear family of the 1950s vanishes, and they become much closer to us; their sufferings are ours and they share in ours. /21

Following in their footsteps, let us also try in our own imperfect way to support each other as families, grounded realistically in the Holy Family of Scripture, Tradition and the Church Fathers: /22

Let us support those who struggle with infertility or medical problems that preclude a large family, rather than condemning them as "contraceptors" while lacking knowledge of the facts in a given case. /23

Let us respect the heroic example of those who choose to have large families despite the mockery of the secular world; but let this not be lip service; let us support them in their real-world trials and the "messes" of daily life. /24

Let us, as Catholics, support the victims of domestic violence without passing ideological judgements, especially in cases where reconciliation is difficult or even impossible. /25

Let those of us in responsible positions try to advocate for a fairer treatment of families by employers and governments, such as is already being tried in some European countries with promising results. /26

Let us denounce the evils of pornography, contraception and abortion without losing sight of the broader economic and cultural factors which shove them down our throats, and not see those committing these sins as beneath us or beyond help. /27

Above all, let us reclaim the sacramental nature of marriage as a vocation, destined to guide couples and families on the way to Heaven, rather than focus on material or political considerations of lesser worth. /28

Let us not be driven by vested interests or grifters into sterile male / female, women's employment / stay-at-home, education-related or other debates which only fray the bonds of charity. /29

"There are many gifts, but one Spirit"; and let us not be discouraged by failures, setbacks or an inability to live up to a preconceived ideal; very often, God permits these to teach us humility, simplicity and detachment. /30

Finally, let us draw upon the Church's rich tradition of married Saints and Blesseds - kings and commoners, happily or unhappily married, politically active or not, employed or primarily involved in the care of their homes. The Church was big enough for them, and so for us. /31

(For a good starting point on the above, I highly recommend the following book:

https://www.ignatius.com/Married-Saints-and-Blesseds-P1769.aspx)

Let us also strive to incorporate these ideas into marriage preparation - much of which is inadequate, perfunctory, and lacking a solid grounding in the richness of our faith. /33

I pray for all families whom I have been blessed to meet here, especially those who mourn or struggle, and I humbly ask you to do the same for me and for each other.

Jesus, Mary, Joseph, bless our homes, our marriages, and our children.

May you have a blessed feast, and may the Holy Family accompany you on every step of your journey.

If you have read this far, thank you!
God bless you all.

Many years ago, the psychiatrist John Bowlby suggested that older couples experienced at parenting could help younger couples who were struggling; this, too, seems like an excellent suggestion in the Catholic context, and not just for parenting. /32