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Thread: today is the first time in 8 years I’ve been in a relationship for 6 months after my heart and self-esteem were smashed into a thousand pieces by someone. For anyone who struggles in intimate relationships. I feel you. If you don’t want to give up, please don’t!
Here are some things that helped me. Give yourself the time to heal before you get into a new relationship. If you go in too soon you will be ruled by fear and always be reacting to the person who hurt you not the person in front of you!
Get okay with being alone. It’s a cliché but it’s true. I’m not afraid of being alone and it gives me the power to make better choices and leave relationships that are not good for me or don’t give me what I want!
Somethings that helped me enjoy being alone: my own interests and things that were all mine like writing and improv. Taking myself out for dinner. Swimming and running. Trying everyday to love myself even when it was hard. Failing sometimes, but trying again.
I still get drunk or don’t tidy up sometimes but in general I take care of myself better. Sometimes I make myself a nice dinner and I say, “I did this because I love you, Alice,” like you would take care of someone else but somehow is harder to do for yourself.
I went to therapy. I learned how to recognise red flags and triggers. I learned how not to immediately react to triggers in the usual self-destructive way. It doesn’t always work - sometimes I still find myself in The Hole, but less often.
I did leave when other relationships weren’t right. The first time was hard. I wanted to stay WITH EVERY FIBRE IF MY BEING. But I knew it wasn’t right. But in the end self- respect makes you feel AMAZING. And also makes you really hot (I believe).
Lastly I found someone really lovely who respected my boundaries and let’s me freak out sometimes and I’m so happy and grateful I managed not to run away from intimacy.
Terribly sorry about this gauche display of earnestness! Love to anyone finding it difficult to love or trust again! You can do it!! Your heart is strong!!! 
And even this is obvious - it is also totally fine not to be in a romantic relationship. They are not the be all and end all. They are not an indication of your worth! Friendship are the underdog heroes of our lives!!
