Read on Twitter
One weird thing that's happened to me on here, a thread:
At first I went through a phase where, when I would see hot/sexy trans women I would feel bad about myself and spiral down. This never happens by the way with hot cis women.
(continued)
At first I went through a phase where, when I would see hot/sexy trans women I would feel bad about myself and spiral down. This never happens by the way with hot cis women.
(continued)
Looking back it was because I don't see them as "lost potential" - like, their hotness is not an attack on myself as a "failed version" of them.
HOWEVER that said, I never invaded people's comments to gripe on their enjoyment of their own beauty.
HOWEVER that said, I never invaded people's comments to gripe on their enjoyment of their own beauty.
Because I never blamed them for it. I don't get "jealousy", I get envy. I don't resent other people for being successful at something, only myself for not being successful.
Oddly enough as time goes by the way I approach envy has shifted. Instead of feeling "bad" about it, I try to pick apart how I could achieve what they have. This is also not always entirely healthy (cause it's still obsessive) but it's a lot healthier.
I've noticed more and more that a lot of "hot" people aren't perfect. You can see the flaws and it's kind of inspirational in two different ways. Depending on their flaws:
1. "If this person has all these flaws and is still desirable, and I don't have them, I could potentially surpass them"
(the competitive model)
2. "I could potentially be hot in the same way this person is because I *do* have similar flaws"
(the "goals" model)
(the competitive model)
2. "I could potentially be hot in the same way this person is because I *do* have similar flaws"
(the "goals" model)
And it's a bit of a chicken/egg thing. I'm not sure if the process of shifting my envy models has improved my sense of self-worth, or if improving my sense of self-worth has improved my envy models.
Most likely it's an interactive iterative system, where each pushed the other.
Most likely it's an interactive iterative system, where each pushed the other.
The summary/advice bit:
1. Don't spread your envy at other people - that's jealousy and it's bad.
2. Try to analyse/take apart what you are envious about in other people and as you drill down on it and get better at analysing it, you will feel better about yourself.
1. Don't spread your envy at other people - that's jealousy and it's bad.
2. Try to analyse/take apart what you are envious about in other people and as you drill down on it and get better at analysing it, you will feel better about yourself.
