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My sister hasn’t spoken to me since 2018, when she found out I was a camgirl. It completely derailed our relationship, should anyone need a cautionary tale not to sell content lest your conservative, religious family find out and never speak to you again, let me be it.
She moved this year to a new city, and I don’t have her address. Last year I sent her a Christmas card but she didn’t respond, I realized today I had been holding my breath that one from her would arrive, and this being the 26th, I could let go of that hope.
I realized that not only did I not get one from her, but also her best friend (who I, of course, sent a card to) didn’t send one to us, as she usually does. For some reason that hurt was fresh, the realization that oh shit, of course the friend hates me too. Why wouldn’t she?
Of course my sister told her stupid friend about my stupid ass, of course I’m off her stupid Christmas card list, of course I have spent far too long and too much caring and looking forward to which cards arrive in the mail, good god woman, *do* something with your time ffs
I got all mad about the fact that I think it’s unfair that my sister has announced to the world that I am disgusting for selling content, that I am human garbage, that I’m not allowed in her home or life any longer, that I can’t see and hug my nephews because I’m so stupid
and sad and vain that I sold pics to strangers for money at a time when my family actually quite desperately needed a side income, and yeah, I thought it was maybe fun, god forbid. So I texted my sister that I miss her, and happy Christmas, and could I please have her address
And she wrote back immediately that she misses me too, and the new address and merry Christmas too and just now the mail came, and in it was a card from the best friend, the one I remembered this morning, the one I got all mad about and the reason I texted my sister.
I don’t really believe in karma. Hell, I don’t even really believe in Christmas, I just really love sending and receiving mail, but today feels like it all balanced somehow. Everything is even. It’s not good or bad or in between. It’s just ok. Maybe everything is going to be ok.
