Read on Twitter
I've uncovered an effect of being deadnamed that I hadn't thought about, and I'm gonna do a quick thread about it. Cis folks, you might learn something here...
My family insisted on deadnaming me for the holiday. It honestly wasn't that uncomfortable - everything about those relationships is uncomfortable anyway - and it wasn't a huge deal. My gender is what it is, I am who I am, these folks can't change that.
But still...
But still...
...the thing is, it's been most of a year since I've heard that name used for me. Long enough that I no longer flinch. It's a very common name so I hear it often (there's one at work!) and I was worried about that.
A while back someone accidentally deadnamed me in a meeting.
A while back someone accidentally deadnamed me in a meeting.
I didn't realize she meant ME.
I've just disconnected from that name. It's still me, legally; I still see it, I still have to sign it, but I don't hear it from people who mean me often enough to even realize who they're talking about.
Until 24 hours with my family using it.
I've just disconnected from that name. It's still me, legally; I still see it, I still have to sign it, but I don't hear it from people who mean me often enough to even realize who they're talking about.
Until 24 hours with my family using it.
Partway through I realized it was me again.
I hate that a day can undo a year of affirmation.
I hate that if you ask me my name, right now, I might have to stop for a moment to make sure I say the right one.
I hate that a day can undo a year of affirmation.
I hate that if you ask me my name, right now, I might have to stop for a moment to make sure I say the right one.
I will be fine. I came through it pretty well intact, and my life is full of people who affirm my identity.
But there are still consequences. This has still made my life harder. And if my identity were more fragile it would be a huge setback, a challenge to overcome.
But there are still consequences. This has still made my life harder. And if my identity were more fragile it would be a huge setback, a challenge to overcome.
This is what it is to have to answer to the wrong name even for a day.
It means I get to go back to flinching when I hear it for a while. It means discomfort where I was previously fine. It means the word has power it had already lost.
I'm fine.
I hate it.
Don't do this.
It means I get to go back to flinching when I hear it for a while. It means discomfort where I was previously fine. It means the word has power it had already lost.
I'm fine.
I hate it.
Don't do this.
