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“On a more basic psychological and sociological level, it allows people who are experiencing something quite normal to feel extra special by it through the process of giving it a technical name...”
Gonna go out on a limb & say you really don’t understand what demisexuality is. https://twitter.com/conceptualjames/status/1338550177834147843
Gonna go out on a limb & say you really don’t understand what demisexuality is. https://twitter.com/conceptualjames/status/1338550177834147843
Demisexuality is a part of the asexuality spectrum. In demisexuality, a person does not have sexual attraction towards anyone - anyone at all- unless a close emotional bond is formed. A close emotional bond is not a guarantee for sexual attraction.
Demisexuals are a part of the asexuality spectrum because we have sexual attraction *only* under a specific circumstance. Not because we’re waiting for the right person. It’s because we literally don’t have it under different circumstances.
What you’re doing here is conflating waiting for the right person or waiting until a relationship is serious to have sex. Demisexuality and abstinence, however, are not synonyms- though a demisexual may choose abstinence. So can anyone of any sexuality.
Whenever I see things like this I’m reminded of this tumblr post. Sums it up pretty well:
You also say that women are “more likely” to be demisexual. This assigns demisexuality to a gender without taking in the fact that men are seen as being inherently more desiring of sex - even when this isn’t always true. Women can have a high sex drive. Some are demisexual.
What you’re also doing here is conflating desire for sexual pleasure itself (with or without a partner) - libido - with the act of having sex. Asexuality is not about action. It is about attraction. Demisexuality is not about action. It is about attraction.
This is like saying “women are more likely to be asexual” without considering the constant messages women & AFABs are sent that we aren’t supposed to desire or crave sexual pleasure, and that doing so & having sex makes us “impure”. (It doesn’t.)
This also, again, largely ignores demisexual & asexual men/AMABs. It dismisses the reality that men & AMABs are told their entire lives they’re supposed to have extremely high sex drives whether or not they do. Not to mention the societal pressure to have lots of sex.
Your post also ignores that demisexuals may have a variety of romantic orientations & genders. I’ve written before about why heteroromantic demisexuals are still demisexual, but I wanted to point this out because you seem to also think demisexual & heterosexual are synonyms.
Here’s a thread about that: https://twitter.com/scretladyspider/status/1280270266774573062
Also feels like this is relevant: https://twitter.com/scretladyspider/status/1278148809126809603
I’d also like to point out the idea that women & AFABs are not supposed to crave sex because it’s not “ladylike” doesn’t just lead to people discovering asexuality & its spectrum later in life-it also leads to a lot of lesbians not realizing they’re lesbians until late adulthood.
There’s probably a whole lot of other things like that it leads to - but I thought of it because of the account latetolesbian on Instagram that talks a lot about this. And I know many people who have actually thought they were asexual and later learned they were lesbians because
they thought that they were just not into sex because they weren’t “supposed” to be. These attitudes towards sex aren’t just about demisexuality & aceness - they effect so, so many people. It’s a very damaging thing.
All this to say... there’s a good amount of misunderstanding here that seems to be based on social constructs surrounding the act of sex itself with sexual attraction, in addition to traditional gender roles.
Demisexuality is not about “feeling special”. In fact it’s still something I feel very self conscious about saying to people because of posts like this. It’s just me trying to put a name on an experience that confused me for most of my life & that doesn’t have a better name.
I think demisexuality is probably a lot more common than we currently know. But stuff like this? This “oh, I read about it but didn’t bother to really think about it” type stuff? It doesn’t help people discover if it’s a part of themselves. At all.
I think you would benefit from trying to unlearn your ideas about what sexual & romantic attraction are supposed to look like and instead try to see it from an ace & aro perspective. Then, try learning about demisexuality & why the gray stripe is on the asexual flag.
Demisexuality is here. It’s queer. And we’re not going anywhere.
Also - heterosexual aromantics? Still aro. Still queer.
